I was never raped, but when I was 11, the son of a family friend copped a feel whenever we were…
Zelda Pinwheel

All of the instances where I was not raped, but… turned me into the perfect victim for multiple rapes in high school and being pegged as an easy target.

I was pinned down at 5 by my friend’s brother, when I told they moved away rather than deal with it. I recall a time in grade school when my peers and I stood up to a gym teacher who was touching a student and were all forced to recant by the administration because it was unfair to the teacher’s reputation. A boy in grade school repeatedly threw me into the bushes and rubbed himself on me and I was told he just liked me and didn’t know how to express it. I experienced daily molestation by peers in junior high (sometimes during class) and felt horrifically guilty because the first time he touched me I liked it (I figured it was my punishment to be unable to get away). Rather than tell, I became an expert at dissociation.

The scary thing is that my mom was a child abuse prevention advocate and teacher and never saw the signs. I somehow knew that this was all my fault… because I thought it was only happening to me. I’m glad people are finally talking about how truly prevalent it is and I’m so scared for my girls. My oldest has already had a boy pressure her to take bra pictures and send them to him. Luckily she stood up for herself but how long can she last? I wish I had the answer but at least there is open discussion now.