Truth In Satire

10 Ways To Tell When Donald Trump Is Lying

It’s easy to detect when “The Lyin’ King” is letting slip another full-fledged falsehood. Here’s how.

“I’m the most honest person you’re ever going to meet in your life.” (Credit: nymag.com)

He lies every day, usually many times a day. According to one report in Time Magazine, President Trump made 1,950 untrue statements in 2017. That’s like six a day.

If you keep your eyes and ears open, you’ll be able to detect, reliably and definitively, when the man is lying to your face. That’s because the president has a number of blatant “tells” that betray when he’s going to let another breathtaking falsehood fly.

Here’s what to look for:

President Pinocchio. (Credit: thedailybanter.com)

#1. When he starts a sentence with, “I can tell you this,” the words that immediately follow will be untrue.

#2. When he finishes a sentence with “everyone knows that,” you can be sure that the statement preceding it was a lie.

#3. Frequent sips of water during White House meetings, public speeches, press briefings, and official announcements is a sure sign that Mr. Trump’s lying mouth has gone dry and he needs to wet his whistle before delivering the whopper.

#4. One of the president’s most flagrant “tells” is capitalization in his tweets. He generally capitalizes words or groups of words that are lies. One of his favorites lately is “NO COLLUSION!” Which means there was definitely collusion.

(Credit: slashgear.com)

#5. Anything Donald Trump says about Russia or Vladimir Putin is pure deception, invention, and falsification. If you hear the word “Russia” linked to any other words, you were just lied to.

#6. The president, like any sociopath, is incapable of love, kindness, or caring. So when he says, “I love (fill in the blank),” don’t believe it.

His “Triangle of Satan” hand gesture signals the coming of an untruth. (Credit: DDP USA/REX/Shutterstock)

#7. If Mr. Trump flashes his famous “Triangle of Satan” hand gesture, peaking his fingertips in a downward prayer position, he is cooking up a fantastic fable. Watch for it!

#8. The president is fond of labeling things “fake news.” When he is asked a question about some questionable aspect of his behavior, and he labels it “fake news,” he has just lied to cover up the truth.

#9. Another very reliable indication that the president is lying is if his pants are on fire. Check for smoke below his waistline. Where there’s smoke, you’ll always find presidential perjury.

#10. Basically, if Donald Trump’s mouth is open and there is sound coming out, he’s lying.

So, you see, you don’t need a particularly well-honed bullshit detector to tell when President Trump is attempting, once again, to deceive you.

The good news is, Robert Mueller knows this, too.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week, until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI