Truth In Satire

12 Americans Walk Into A Mexican Bar…

This reporter went south of the border to collect the best Donald Trump jokes circulating in this country of “rapists and criminals”

Trumpacado in Spanish means “crazy motherfucker.” (Credit: fusion.net)

Here in Tulum, Mexico, about two hours drive from Cancun, they don’t lose sleep thinking about Donald Trump, his threats against their country, or his misguided plans to build a southern border wall.

They don’t seem to care much that the President of the United States called many of them rapists and criminals either…with some “good people” thrown in.

In fact, just like the Americans who have flocked to this laid-back beach town for the long Labor Day weekend, the natives would prefer to tell jokes about The Donald — some predictable, some sophomoric, many delightfully self-deprecating— than to spend one minute worrying about the man they call “La Broma En Naranja.” The Orange Joke.

After the writer, second from left, told his bartending brothers in Tulum that he didn’t drink alcohol while on assignment, the Tequila Trio poured him a shot. (Credit: Randy Simmering)

Here are some of the most popular punch-lines about America’s “loco” president:

Why are Muslims so worried about Trump deporting Mexicans?
Because once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.

Did you hear about the new film starring Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and Sheriff Joe Arpaio?
It’s call The Three Ami-Egos.

What does Trump’s hair and a Tulum thong have in common?
They both barely cover the asshole.

What does Donald Trump call four Mexicans in quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

What is Gringo Donald’s favorite place to shop?
Wall-mart. (Some had the punchline as “A Mexican Wallmart.”)

What did Donald Trump do right before he tried to deport Mexicans?
Made sure his lawns were mowed, his pools were cleaned, and his beds were made.

What did The Donald yell when his Mexican houseboy tried to put out a fire in Trump Tower using the wrong extinguisher?
No way, Hose A!

Why does President Trump like extra cheese on his tacos?
Because it will make a Mexican grate again.

How much money is Donald Trump worth?
Not sure, but El Chapo offered $100 million dollars for his body, dead or alive.

Did you hear that Ivanka Trump is starring in a new Disney film?
It’s called The Snow White Supremacist.

How is Donald Trump going to create a Mexican middle class?
By paying millions of them to cheer at his fake rallies.

Why doesn’t Donald Trump sweat like a Mexican?
Because he has such huuuuge fans!

What’s Donald Trump’s favorite nation?
Discrimination.

Did you hear the joke about Trump and the Mexican wall? 
Never mind, you’ll never get over it.

Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, and Paul Ryan are on a boat together. They all fall in. Who gets saved?
The Mexicans.

How does Donald Trump plan to deport 12 million illegal immigrants? 
Juan by Juan.

Did you hear that Trump just passed the Great American Telephone Act?
It makes it illegal to press 2 for Spanish.

What did Trump say when the Mexican reporter asked him about his tax returns?
Nacho business.

How did the Mexican magician make Donald Trump disappear?
He counted “uno,” “dos,” and on the count of three, POOF, the president disappeared without a tres.

And the biggest joke of all here in Tulum:
“I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and I will make Mexico pay for that wall.” –DJT

In Spanish or English, Mexico or America, Donald Trump will always be “La Broma En Naranja.”

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Thanks all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI