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Truth In Satire

Backbone Replacement Therapy Kicks In One Year Too Late For Key Republicans

GOP leaders finally grow spines, but not in time to stand up to Donald Trump’s reckless destruction of America

Senators Flake and Corker didn’t have the backbone to reject Donald Trump’s corrupt candidacy when it mattered and are now acting like the nation’s saviors. (Credit: www.businessinsider.com)

Where were GOP Senators Jeff Flake, Bob Corker, and John McCain last year at this time, when they could have stopped the dangerous and destructive presidency of Donald Trump?

New information reveals that the trio of leading Republicans was recovering from backbone replacement therapy which, unfortunately, kicked in too late for them to prevent the ruination of America by the imposter POTUS.

While fighting brain cancer, Sen. John McCain is having a wonderful time with his new backbone saying “It feels great to stand up for myself and my country again!” (Credit: yournewswire.com)

In the past few weeks, the three senators, along with former president George W. Bush and a handful of other influential Republicans who were silent when their voices could have made a difference, are suddenly speaking out like tough guys committed to democratic ideals.

These are the same weak-willed weasels who claimed to be dedicated to conservative values, but who pretended not to notice when candidate Trump bragged about sexual harassing women, mocked disabled people, and colluded with a foreign enemy to win the election.

Nobody expected this guy to grow a pair of balls, but he’s been appearing ramrod righteous of late. (Credit: hinterlandgazette.com)

It is not known whether other Republican legislators will now step forward, having completed their own backbone replacement therapies, to oppose the pernicious Trump presidency, but many political observers think it is too late to salvage the tattered remnants of a formerly great democracy.

“Although their spinal columns are erect enough now for these rehabilitated Republican politicians to protest meekly about the president’s moral treason,” said Dr. Lesle Majeste, Chief of Orthopedics at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, “there just isn’t enough bone mass yet for them to actually begin impeachment proceedings or to invoke the 25th Amendment. I’m afraid our medical intervention came a little too late for these men and for our nation.”

Spine enhancement therapy didnot work for these two men, which is why they are both wearing back braces under wool sweaters in this photo. (Credit: www.cbsnews.com)

Dr. Majeste adds that many key leaders in the Republican party, including Senator Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan, were deemed “too chickenshit” (not a medical term) to undergo backbone replacement therapy.

“Spinelessness in the Republican Party will probably remain a serious condition for the foreseeable future,” said Dr. Majeste. “The best we can probably hope for in terms of saving the republic is a power shift to the Democratic Party, but even there we’re seeing severe cases of Yellow-Belly Virus, Candy-Ass Disorder, and widespread Wimp Syndrome. To be frank, the American government is diseased to its core and needs to be completely reexamined.”

Senators Corker, Flake, and McCain could not be reached for comment as all were receiving additional treatment at Dr. Majeste’s Boston Backbone Clinic at the time of publication.

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