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Truth In Satire

Bannon, Conway Leaving Trump White House To Work On “House Of Cards”

Netflix says political duo knows lying, cheating, crime, corruption, and character assassination better than show’s current writers

Kellyanne Conway bares her teeth in a look of hateful revenge that will come in handy as a consultant on House of Cards. (Credit: Mother Jones)

Two previously trusted Trump confidants, Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon, have jumped ship to consult on the hit Netflix series, House of Cards.

Conway and Bannon were hired as consultants and script doctors for Netflix’s Golden-Globe winning political drama.

The two White House insiders saw their roles severely diminished in the past month after the president’s daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner adeptly pushed the influential duo aside.

According to several people with Oval Office access, Ms. Trump worked hard to displace Conway and First Lady Melania Trump as the president’s go-to courtesan, appearing at his side daily. Simultaneously, Jared got into some knock-down-drag-out verbal skirmishes with Bannon that left the facially impaired, white supremacist in the dog house with the president.

Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon are seen here bolting from the White House with a bounce in their step as soon as their Netflix contracts were finalized. (Credit: The Independent)

That led Conway and Bannon to seek employment elsewhere. But both insist that the move has nothing to do with Washington political intrigue and everything to do with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work on a brilliant series, House of Cards, with a more realistic president and first lady in Kevin Spacey’s Francis Underwood and Robin Wright’s Claire Underwood.

“Steve and I are so grateful to have been part of the team that put Donald Trump in the White House,” said Ms. Conway, “and we are now thrilled to pass our political strategy hats to Ivanka, Jared and others in the Trump family circle with no experience but plenty of chutzpah. It’s very clear this nepotistic leadership team will leave an indelible mark on American history.”

Steve Bannon added, “Fuck Jared, that little Jew faggot.”

Rumors have circulated that Steve Bannon wanted an all-white cast on House of Cards, including the firing of Mahershala Ali. These reports were denied.

Reports that Steve Bannon was a holdout in contract talks with Netflix, demanding that Mahershala Ali, a black Muslim in real life who plays Remy Danton on the show, be dropped from the cast, were denied by representatives for Mr. Bannon. There was no comment from Mr. Ali, who recently won an Oscar for his role in Moonlight.

Kellyanne Conway has suggested that Robin Wright’s character, Claire Underwood, put her feet up on the Oval Office couch this season to add authenticity.

Kevin Spacey, speaking for the cast of House of Cards, expressed excitement about Bannon and Conway joining the show’s writing team: “We’re thrilled to have these two White House pariahs and political outcasts working on our show. They not only understand the sleazy, dog-eat-dog underbelly of White House political dramas, they’ve lived it. In fact, they were the architects of most of the presidential misconduct and scandalous behavior we now consider so despicable. I didn’t think Frank Underwood could be any more disgusting, but Kellyanne and Steve have added so much to his repertoire of outrageous, immoral activities.”

Doug Stamper’s true identity as a cyborg was inspired by a real life automaton living in the Trump White House by the name of Stephen Miller. (Credit: Tweetcs)

It is believed that Conway and Bannon have already had a major impact on the new season of House of Cards by adding a twist to Michael Kelly’s character, the ruthless political fixer Doug Stamper. Early on in the first episode it is revealed that Stamper is actually a malfunctioning, Russian-built cyborg with no conscience or a beating heart. Stamper’s character evolution was inspired by Bannon’s protege and current Trump political hitman, Stephen Miller.

Season 5 of House of Cards airs May 30th on Netflix.

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