Seriously Salient Satire

DNC Announces “Last Call” For The 307 Marginal Candidates Still Eyeing Presidential Bids

Tom Perez: “If you want run for president, please sign up now, as the field is growing larger than any debate stage we can afford”

With 24 wannabes already in the Democratic race, it’s hard to see where the next 307 candidates will stand on the debate stage. (Credit: www.cnn.com)

The Democratic National Committee announced “last call” on Monday for any additional, marginally serious Democrats who say they might, maybe, thinking about it, possibly launch 2020 presidential bids.

DNC Chair Tom Perez speaking with random people on the street about throwing their hats into the ring. (Credit: www.tampabay.com)

“There’s a mayor from a small town in Nebraska who’s still on the fence,” said DNC Chair Tom Perez. “We also have 15 great Congress people who say they could jump in, as well as two powerful Senators from northern states, a liberal lawyer from North Carolina looking for four or eight years of steady work, an alternative-meat entrepreneur from California with a plant-based economy intiative, the director of the National Cannabis Growing Association, as well as a New Jersey mom who’s mad as hell and can’t take it anymore. It’s a awesome prospective field. Oh, wait, I forgot the keto-diet cookbook author hoping to change the way…