Truth In Satire

Melania:“If He Tries To Touch Me Again, There Will Be No Need For Impeachment”

After “swat heard round the world,” feisty First Lady gives POTUS another slap in Rome

Good thing she’s wearing sunglasses or the daggers coming out of her eyes could assassinate a president. (Credit: AOL.com)

Earning the respect of millions of people around the world, First Lady Melania Trump did something that many have wanted to do for decades — she slapped Donald Trump in public, and then did it again a few days later.

These video stills show FLOTUS whacking the president’s hand away, then stepping in to deliver a spiked heel to his calf.

The first incident happened on the tarmac in Israel as the Trumps stepped off Air Force One. The president, bounding disrespectfully a few yards ahead of his wife as he often does, reached back for her hand after noticing that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was walking hand-in-hand with his wife.

The revealing video, which quickly went viral, then shows the First Lady swatting his hand away, driving the tip of her stiletto heel into the back of his calf, and finally giving the president a powerful kidney punch before Secret Service agents dragged her kicking and screaming off her husband.

Melania prepares to deliver a sharp backhand to the president’s cheekbone as she waits for the final notes of The Star-Spangled Banner to be played.

“That’s a pretty common occurrence, actually,” said a member of the president’s Secret Service detail, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Every time they’re together in close quarters, like on Air Force One, we’re called in to pry her sharp fingernails out of his neck, cheeks, or forehead. Everyone thinks the president uses a tanning bed. No way. His face is that color because it’s covered in an orangey-brown iodine antiseptic.”

Another perspective came from a Trump staffer who was on Air Force One during the 12-hour flight to Israel: “Have you ever experienced bone-chilling cold? Well, that’s what it’s like being with Melania when she’s anywhere near the president. She could refreeze the polar icecaps with that icy Slovenian glare.”

But the First Lady’s snubs didn’t end in Israel. Just 24-hours later, in Rome, a scowling FLOTUS again rebuffed her husband when he tried to take her hand, this time parrying his outstretched fingers and delivering a roundhouse kick to the side of his head that nearly knocked him off the airstairs used for disembarking Air Force One.

He’s about to lose that right hand. (Credit: The Telegraph)

“This idea that Melania is helpless around her husband and needs to be rescued is ridiculous,” added another White House aide who’s traveling with the Trumps on their 9-day overseas tour, and who spoke off the record. “He’s essentially a bag of lard and she’s cut like a Capoeira martial artist. Honestly, I’d rather travel with a backpack full of deathstalker scorpions than board Air Force One when Melania is angry. And when she’s within 10-feet of the president, she’s angry.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI