Truth In Satire

Nation Stunned By Number Of Republican Bootlickers Still Willing To Shill For Trump

After disastrous overseas trip and the former FBI Director calling him a liar, no one can believe president has any remaining allies

President Trump asking Rep. Paul Ryan to suck his toes, to which the Speaker of the House responded, “Left foot or right, sir?” (Credit: Chicago Tribune)

After President Trump proved once again this week that he is a pathological liar who is committing impeachable offenses at an unprecedented rate, a majority of Americans found it inconceivable that Republican leaders, conservative pundits, and right wing political groups are still sticking by him.

Senator Mitch McConnell positioning himself where Donald Trump can conveniently ram both thumbs up the majority leader’s tight ass.

“The number of GOP sycophants, bootlickers, and yes-men who have sacrificed their credibility to protect Prima Donald is so astounding, you’d think the president had an incriminating golden shower video hanging over every one of them,” remarked a former GOP congressman. “If I was up his butthole as far as these toadies are, I’d just camp out in his undershorts, save myself the trip home every day.”

“What does this bozo have to do to lose the faith of his supporters, molest an underage beauty queen?” asked one incredulous Democratic Senator speaking off the record, who then remembered that the president had already committed that disqualifying crime.

The head of an influential Washington lobbying group, shaking his head in disbelief, said: “Trump has proved himself to be so immoral, and is implicated in so many treasonous crimes, if GOP leaders keep defending him, they’ll soon be as culpable as he is. There’s already a two-week wait for confessional sessions in this town, and it’s going to get worse.”

The president used Crazy Glue to attach his wife’s hand to his after several embarrassing incidents overseas where she slapped him away. Melania Trump is rapidly becoming the nation’s most beloved First Lady ever. (Credit: http://latest.news.holfuy.com/)

The nation’s scorn for Republican shills and lackeys still towing the line for this felonious president seems to be sharpest for Rep. Paul Ryan, House Speaker, and Sen. Mitch McConnell, Majority Leader.

“When we show our focus groups photos of Ryan and McConnell, many of our participants retch and nearly all scream swear words,” said Laura Bellows Fairchild, president of Fairchild/McCumber, a well-known conservative research organization. “If I had a nickel for all the times people called Paul Ryan a “trained seal,” or Mitch McConnell a “spineless lickspittle,” I could leave this business and buy an oceanfront home in Mauritania — or any other far away country where Trump has no business interests and where I could wash the taint of this Adolf Twitler from my soul. And I say that as a Republican, mind you.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI