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Truth In Satire

NYPD Bracing For “Historic, Euphoric Crowds” On Day Trump Resigns

Police in president’s hometown prepare for massive celebrations after his departure from office, which they’re expecting soon

Police predict the crowd sizes near Trump Tower could reach up to 10 million people on the day the president resigns. (Credit: www.vosizneias.com)

Reports are circulating that the New York City Police Department (NYPD) has been preparing for weeks for the resignation of President Donald Trump, who was born and raised in this city.

NYPD Crowd Control and Emergency Service Units have been drilling for weeks to get ready for the huge Trump resignation celebrations. (Credit:Kevin Czarzasty/flickr.com)

Sources inside the NYPD say that precincts throughout Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens are being briefed in anticipation of what one division chief, speaking off the record, called, “…historic, euphoric crowds like we’ve never seen in the city before. We believe as many as ten million people could flood the streets in and around Trump Tower alone. This will be bigger than New Year’s Eve, the Yankees’ victory parades, and the Fourth of July fireworks crowds combined. We have to be ready for anything.”

Asked how he could be so sure that President Trump’s resignation was close at hand, the NYPD senior officer said, “We’re constantly being briefed by U.S. intelligence agencies to get an advance read on what’s coming down the pike. They’ve been telling us that it’s a ‘fair de Camp Lee’ (sic), and we need to be prepared for it to happen any day now.”

The NYPD’s top brass says that in the interest of public safety, they’ll encourage the outgoing president not to return to NYC for at least 10 years. (Credit: theyeshivaworld.com)

While big city police departments across the country — especially in Chicago, Miami, Los Angeles, Boston and San Francisco — are also planning for record street celebrations when Mr. Trump exits office, most law enforcement officials, including the chief of one liberal Oregon city, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “No one envies New York right now — that’s going to be the epicenter of the national party and they’re going to need forty, maybe fifty thousand cops on overtime to keep things under control out there. Frankly, I don’t know how Trump ever goes home again. He might have to go live in Russia or something, cause he won’t be wanted anywhere in America, that's for sure.”

Most NYPD officers are looking forward to welcoming revelers who will be making a “Trump Dumped” pilgrimage to the city. (Credit: commons.wikimedia.org)

While the NYPD would not comment officially on the prospect of ten million joyous citizens storming the city after President Trump is chased from office, one source inside the department admitted that “it could be the celebration of the century — but we don’t expect to need 40,ooo police officers to keep the peace, no way. This isn’t a demonstration or protest, after all, it’s a party. And frankly, most of our men and women in blue are going to be right there partying along with them.”

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