Truth In Satire

President Launches PERVERTED POTUS™ Line Of Sex Toys For The Holidays

Hoping to capitalize on his creepy porn image, Donald Trump introduces his own brand of butt plugs, vibrators, and more

“The Presidential Hopeful,” a huge double-ended dildo, is Mr. Trump’s personal favorite. (Credit: huckmagazine.com)

Never one to let a money-making opportunity slip by, President Donald Trump has entered the fast-growing sex toy industry with his own line of PERVERTED POTUS™ pleasure toys, available for the 2017 gift-giving season.

The PERVERTED POTUS (or PP) enterprise is being managed by son Eric Trump who has extensive experience with sex toys and fetish devices, but mostly on the consumer side. He was also chosen to run the company because, like many of the butt plugs in the PP line, he is often caught with his head up his ass.

3-D Artist Fernando Sosa was brought on to design the president’s complete line of butt plugs and rectal stimulators. (Credit: www.good.is)

Asked why the president chose now to launch his own brand of pleasure products, Eric Trump said, “There was a lot of interest in my father’s sex life after the sexual harassment allegations against his good friend Harvey Weinstein, and then the Roy Moore child abuse stuff really broke things open. Dad, being a great businessman and all, saw the opportunity to capitalize on his deviant presidency with a line of politically-themed PERVERTED POTUS rubber penises and other masturbatory sex toys, and that’s when we got busy.”

The Donald’s “Cold Cock Sock” rocks, according to the PERVERTED POTUS website. (Credit: etsy.com)

Asked about the initial reaction to the president’s porno pleasure products, Eric could not have been more enthusiastic. “Dad was hoping for instant brand recognition, him being a world leader and all, but the response has exceeded all our projections. If you’ve been reading the papers, you know that perverted politicians are all the rage right now and, as a result, we can’t get enough latex and silicone into the factory. We were crossing our fingers that this would be well-received, but commander in chief kink is much hotter than we expected.”

The Little PeePee Dildo for petite women is a best seller. (Credit: nylon.net)

According to the younger Trump, “The Little PeePee Dildo,” cast from the president’s own small penis, is moving fast, particularly selling well to petite women, and especially in the color orange.

“We can’t keep the Little PeePee in stock right now,” says the Trump scion. “Some women are telling us they’re just buying it as a dog toy, but to us, a sale is a sale. If it gets chewed up and spit out, it’s still money in our pockets.”

The 14-ft Trump Tower vibrator will be out in March “in time for spring fever,” Eric Trump says. (Credit: twitter.com)

In response to a question about future product releases, Eric mentioned a new vibrator concept that came directly from his father in the Oval Office called the “Trump Tower.”

“As you are probably aware, Dad makes up for his small hands and little dick with big ideas — the biggest. He is going to create a 14-foot-high, pink vibrator that more than one naked woman can climb onto at a time. Dad wants to be known not only as the president who grabbed more pussies, but also the man who got more of them off. It’s ambitious, I know, but if anyone can do it, my cocksure Pop can.”

The full line of PERVERTED POTUS™ pleasure toys can be purchased online at donsapervert.com or in the White House gift shop.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI