President’s Pants Cuff Catches Fire On South Lawn, Fire Dept. Called To Scene
Spontaneous trouser ignition occurs as Trump comments on passage of tax bill — “five-alarm fibbing” possibly to blame
The Washington, D.C. Fire Department responded to an emergency call from the White House on Wednesday after President Donald Trump’s pants caught fire while he was speaking on the South Lawn.
Fire department officials said the spontaneous trouser combustion took place just as Mr. Trump was pronouncing falsehoods about the new tax cut bill, saying its passage would benefit all Americans and that “We did the largest tax cut in our history.”
Both comments were later proved false.
Mr. Trump arrived for the South Lawn gathering to celebrate passage of the hotly-contested tax cut bill with VP Mike Pence, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan.
Almost as soon as he opened his mouth, with dozens of GOP lawmakers standing around him, the president started speaking lies, saying, in part: “It’s been an amazing experience, I have to tell you. Hasn’t been done in 34 years, but actually, really hasn’t been done, because we broke every record. It’s the largest — I always say, the most massive — but it’s the largest tax cut in the history of our country — and reform — but tax cut. Really something special.”
In fact, it is not the largest tax cut in the nation’s history, and it is only special in terms of its lack of popularity, with a majority of Americans strongly opposed to it.
While Mr. Trump lies at a rate that is truly historic, as was reported by the New York Times recently, his pants have never caught fire before. But in the past month, the president has gone out of his way to bullshit the nation about how extraordinary his tax cut bill is, although it appears to benefit no one but the already super rich.
What may be even more impressive is the number of whoppers told by top Republicans during their South Lawn ass-kissing of the president:
“This has been a year of extraordinary accomplishment for the Trump administration,” declared Sen. McConnell, who is widely believed to hate Mr. Trump.
“Something this big, something this generational, something this profound could not have been done without exquisite presidential leadership,” said Rep. Ryan, who is on the record saying that Donald Trump is a con artist.
And the vice-president blew smoke up the president’s ass, too: “Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for your leadership, thank you for your boundless faith in the American people and thank you for keeping your promise to see this Congress deliver the largest tax cut in American history before Christmas of this year.”
But the most mind-boggling statement of all, which left many in the audience laughing as the president was hopping around with his pants ablaze, was this comment from Rep. Diane Black of Tennessee: “I want to say thank you, Mr. President…for allowing us to have you as our president and to make America great again.”
After hearing some of the remarks, the D.C. Fire Chief said he was amazed that more GOP House and Senate members did not spontaneously combust along with the president.
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