Trump Says “Climate Change Nuts” Are Using The Wind To Attack Him
In paranoid rant, president claims gusts over 25 mph are “controlled by liberal weather wackos” threatening his presidency
President Donald Trump says that strong winds “controlled by liberal weather wackos, and probably lead by that loser Al Gore,” are trying to embarrass him and destroy his presidency.
“The climate change nuts are after me for bringing back great coal,” said the president in a series of paranoid tweets on Thursday. “Just when I get my hair looking really good, they send in a violent squall to screw me over. When my hair blows around willy-nilly, I look ridiculous to people around the world and that is very bad for America.”
Mr. Trump pointed to a number of recent incidents when his hair was exposed to powerful gusts on days that were forecast to have light winds. He claims that this is evidence “the Democrats are behind these surprise weather attacks, especially when I’m boarding Air Force One or giving a speech outdoors.”
The president said that despite the escalating assaults on him and his hair, he will not give in to climate change activists, weather scientists, and fact-based environmental realists who are advocating for stronger legislation on CO2 emissions and atmospheric pollutants that, in their opinion, are endangering the future of the planet.
“Did you see how much snow they had in Europe last week?” asked the president as he held down his hair while talking to reporters outside the White House on Thursday. “If you’re going to tell me that the planet is heating up when they’re skiing in front of the Vatican, then I’ve got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. No, really, I’m trying to sell the Brooklyn Bridge to raise money for my bail hearing.”
Reached for comment, Al Gore, a number of climate change experts, and several Democratic leaders who support stricter environmental regulations all denied having the ability to control the wind or the weather.
Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.
I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.