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Truth In Satire

Trump Turns To Alexa, Siri To Fill Key Vacancies After White House Brain Drain

As resignations decimate his administration, president appoints smart devices to critical positions inside the White House

In addition to Alexa and Siri, Mr. Trump says he’ll bring on Roomba as his “cleaner” in the Russia scandal. (Credit: and

With a series of top level departures from the White House in recent weeks, President Donald Trump has turned to several cutting edge AI devices to fill critical vacancies.

“I’m thrilled to announce the addition of a terrific, well-spoken young lady to the White House staff,” reported the president on Saturday. “Alexa will be taking over for Hope Hicks as my Communications Director.”

Mr. Trump added that Alexa will become his personal assistant, taking over those duties from Ms. Hicks as well, but will perform no sexual favors.

The president also acknowledged a new staffer named Siri, who he called, “one of the smartest people I’ve ever met — honestly, she knows the answer to any question I ask her.”

The president described Roomba as “an intelligent addition to my Oval Office staff with almost robotic instincts for getting at any dirt in my presence.” (Credit:

Mr. Trump indicated that Siri will be filling the vacancy left by White House aide Rob Porter, who left under allegations that he abused two ex-wives. Siri has no known criminal history or past arrests. She has also never been married.

One surprise addition to the president’s inner circle, also announced on Saturday, was Roomba. Mr. Trump described this new member of his team as “someone who will monitor the Oval Office looking for any mud-slinging that might leave messy trails. I will also be using Roomba as my ‘cleaner’ in the Russia case.”

The White House indicated that President Trump is also doing background checks on a number of top-notch, digital security applicants to fill vacancies left by the departure of several Secret Service agents. “Believe, I prefer these AI folks to my regular security detail. They’re on the job 24/7 and don’t go off looking for hookers whenever we’re visiting foreign countries. Plus, they don’t squeal.”


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