Truth In Satire
Trump’s Side Bets On Mueller Report Net Him $30 Million For Campaign
President wagers big in Las Vegas that prosecutor’s report would not land him in prison, swelling 2020 war chest
President Donald Trump made big bets in Las Vegas on the Mueller Report not immediately condemning him to a life in prison.
His resultant $30 million in winnings will be used to fuel his 2020 re-election campaign.
According to anonymous White House sources, in the weeks leading up to release of the special prosecutor’s findings, the president consulted with his Attorney General William Barr who assured him he’d “bury” any inculpatory evidence.
With that guarantee, Mr. Trump went ahead and took some major side action that he’d get a “qualified” declaration of his innocence. Those bets paid out at 1000:1 and, in addition to the wagers his family members also placed at the president’s direction, yielded just over $30 million.
Mr. Trump could have taken a bet on his “total and complete exoneration” which Vegas bookies had at 1,000,000:1 odds, but chose not to. According to multiple gambling outlets, no one had the nerve to place that wager.
The full Mueller report will be released on Thursday, but there is no evidence that the president is making any additional bets on his guilt or innocence.
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