I have hit rock bottom. I’m 38 years old and I am overweight. I no longer can fit into XL clothing at the Gap. Or any other store for that matter. Normally when I tell people that I am about 238 pounds, they actually normally don’t think that I weigh that much. I guess that is sort of a complement or maybe they’re just trying to be nice. I have always had a belly. I’ve always had very thick legs. I’m just built as a heavy guy. But now I’m an extra large heavy guy.

So now my weight journey is going to begin again. After weeks and weeks, actually months, of slowly gaining weight, my struggles with clothing purchases have made me hit rock bottom. I am now purchasing pants that are 38 wide and 30 length. I’m only 5 foot nine, so my weight to height ratio is actually pretty far off.

I don’t feel comfortable clothes that I wear. And I am grasping onto the older clothes that might be a little bit too small. I keep on telling myself that I’m going to lose weight and they will fit again. Well, they will, but only if I take charge.

Losing weight isn’t easy. Sure it is easy to say go to the gym, stop eating, drop that cookie. But if it was easy I wouldn’t be fat. Cause guess what? I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be rake thin but I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I only have this life to live and I want to be happy. I’m gay. Other gays are judgy. I have an amazing husband who loves me how I am but I want to feel better about myself. Not to mention that he likes chubbier guys, so it is one of the times that my weight worked in my favour.

So this is me. And this is the start of my journey. I don’t know if anyone will read this but I need to make myself accountable and I hope putting my thoughts down will help. Maybe I’ll connect and gain support from others that are trying to make this journey. We’ll see.

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