3 Reasons Millennials Are Waiting to Get Married
The Gottman Institute
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Hi. I’m proud to be a millennial. This article doesn’t quite relate to my experience as a 23 year old who has had 3 relationships (1 year, 3 year, and 1.5- present). For me, my partners, and my friends it comes down to trauma rather than individualism. I know Gottman is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy inclined theorist within family therapy theories, but here is my experience: those of us who come from abusive and traumatizing families, covert emotionally traumatizing families, and mildly dysfunctional “normal” families want to engage in long-term self-work and healing so that we do not end up marrying into a similarly abusive or invulnerable family system. What’s become mainstream is self-help, trauma awareness, and an emotional vocabulary not available to previous generations. Thank you for letting us stand on your shoulders! We are reading books about attachment theory, vulnerability, and going through Gottman’s marriage cards over and over again with our partners casually and for fun- inspired to lead the world into radically more functional family systems. We’re not individualists for the sake of it- we are vulnerability-ists, sensitive multiculturalists, postmodern deconstructionists- we are hyper-aware of all the ways our society and family of origins are dysfunctional- and our ideal is to become securely attached, self-actualized, individuated, educated, loving, aware, anti-racist, feminist people before getting married. We feel we are responsible, and we want to embrace whichever partner we choose with as much maturity, sensitivity, and respect as possible.

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