I Am Confident.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, or creative enough to get ahead in life?
I have these doubts everyday. I let them get in my way. I let them stop me from writing — no one could possibly be interested in what I have to say, right? There are so many bloggers, vloggers, et cetera who have thousands of followers and even more views each day.* The only thing standing in my way of joining their ranks is the doubt that I could.
At least, that’s what I’ve refused to let myself believe. Perhaps part of my problem is that I have this strange idea that other people’s dreams and projects should always take precedence over my own — as if mine carry no weight or importance. This leaves me in an eternal state of waiting, a wretched state of unfulfillment. As you can imagine, self-care is far too low on my list of priorities. I’m always worried about what others would think about me pursing my own dreams rather than theirs — but the fact is that it shouldn’t matter. I am allowed to pursue my goals.
I should say that again. Say it with me. I am allowed to pursue my goals.
Placing others needs, hopes, and dreams in front of your own is not always a bad practice — in fact, it can benefit friendships and relationships — but it should not be your default mode.
I grew up in a family of strong women. I was surrounded (and still am!) by models of strength, independence, and grace. In many ways, I am one of them. I have that strength inside me, that independence I crave. But I let outside forces stand in the way of truly realizing my power. I know I have worth, I know I am a strong, beautiful woman, but then I look around me and think I see better versions. I demean my own beauty in the fear that others might not see it. I bury it deep inside so that people might not realize that I was raised by a powerful woman, so they might not be offended or otherwise hurt by my innate tendencies.
I have failed her.
No more. I will not let others stand in the way of my dreams, inadvertently or otherwise. I am important. I have something to say. I am confident.
*Social media can so often be compared to a popularity contest. Everyone is in a rush to get the most likes, the most comments, the most shares. There is a literal price on reach. And while it’s so easy to get caught up in the politics of it all, it’s harder — and more rewarding — to take the path less traveled. But alas, that’s another blog post.