Things That Are Illegal According To My Dog

A little-known fact is that when dogs bark, it’s because they believe they are witnessing a crime. Here is a partial list of objects and activities my dog Pistachio believes to be illegal.

  • Delivering a package
  • Vacuum cleaners (owning or operating)
  • Leaf blowers (owning or operating)
  • Being a squirrel
  • Going outside in the rain
  • Animatronic Halloween decorations
  • Coming within 5 feet of anyone who is ensconced in a blanket, sheet or other bodily covering
  • Knocking on any door for any reason
  • Leaving the house without your dog
  • Car keys
  • Ear buds
  • Refusing to play with dogs (if you are a cat)
  • Trying to play with other dogs (if you are a dog)
  • Putting clean laundry away
  • Not sharing your coffee with your dog
  • Being too tall (if you are a dog)
  • Being too tall (if you are a human)
  • Not letting others sniff your beard
  • Being a veterinarian
  • Paying attention to any other animal or person