A way of living while in love

“The reason why love is so central to our happiness and identity is not far from the reason why it is such a difficult aspect of our experience: both have to do with the ways in which self and identity are institutionalized in modernity… Love contains, mirrors, and amplifies the “entrapment” of the self in the institutions of modernity, institutions, to be sure, shaped by economic and gender relations.”

What does committed love look like, for me, now? I can legally marry a woman, but I don’t want to be married. Is it living together? I like living alone. Having a family together? I already have children, and am not looking for another mother for them. How about sharing financial resources? What does that even look like, with a job and a house and kids?

Would any of these answers be different if I weren’t financially and emotionally secure? Possibly, as I’d be more vulnerable. But I’m supposed to be financially and emotionally secure, that’s part of the deal of being an adult. Aren’t adults also supposed to be in love, to be in a committed romantic relationship? Why do these seem to be in conflict? How do I ‘live while in love’ in a way that is not in conflict with my expression of myself?

Perhaps there is a love out there that will ‘sweep me off my feet’ so that I want all these things. But is that a love I want? No. I’d rather find a love, a way of living while in love, that doesn’t have to show its commitment through any of these.