Why Toddlers Hold the Keys to Success.

The Real Reason Why Men Won’t Grow Up.

I love kids. I happen to have a pretty awesome (totally unbiased!) one. Aside from being cute, fun, and all of that good stuff, they’re interesting to observe. They’re blank slates. Great indicators of what behavior is learned, and what’s innate.

There are 5 lessons that echo relatively universal characteristics of our lower-single-digit-aged companions that I find particularly admirable.

1. Speak your mind.

We’re not born with filters. They steadily form as we learn what is and what isn’t considered ‘socially-acceptable behavior’. While these filters are created with good intention — to save face, to spare feelings — sometimes they filter out the good stuff. Like the truth.

Sometimes it is refreshing to cut through the bull and pleasantries, rip off the band-aid and tell people what’s on your mind. Though it’s easy to get tangled in corporate politics and diplomacy, for those employed in skilled fields with a fair amount of subjectivity and interpretation, that’s what you’re paid to do. Although stinging at times, at the very least, it can be quite productive. I think we all have that one (or lots of) colleague, friend or family member who is that unfiltered individual in our lives. Whether you agree with them or not, you can at least have some solace in knowing that you didn’t waste time guessing what they’re thinking.

2. Stand your ground.

The word ‘stubborn’ and ‘toddler’ are often synonymous. Do they all learn the word ‘no’ before ‘yes’? While they’re inadvertently testing the limits of your conviction and authority and the power of their will, isn’t that what everyone does to others when they present a point of view to someone else on just about anything? Stubbornness has this contradictory connotation of being negative and admirable, as it’s known for being a common characteristic of pretty resilient and successful people. Just because an opinion is unpopular, it doesn’t mean that it’s incorrect.

3. Ask lots of questions.

For a being that has been in the world for less than time than you’ve had the jeans you’re wearing, it’s no surprise that toddlers ask a lot of questions. Everything is new! They have plenty to learn. But asking questions isn’t always a sign of a lack of knowledge — it signals curiosity, engagement, and a desire to more deeply understand your current context. It can also be a great technique, or even an art; Knowing that you don’t know is knowledge in and of itself.

4. Be persistent.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. And then maybe again. How many times has your child asked you for a cookie… and if they don’t receive the desired response — ask again — or ask another decision making authority? The squeaky wheel gets the cookie, the grease — and sometimes the coveted assignment or promotion. Persistence can be uncomfortably annoying and unnatural for some of us — but it pays.

5. Be fearless.

When I first learned that fear is a learned behavior, I was mindblown. After our daughter was born, we initially used a nightlight in her room, but I soon stopped — and it made no difference to her. Why should I teach her to depend on light and fear the dark?

As adults, we have such a full cache of experiences that have stopped us in our tracks when we should have proceeded. “I shouldn’t speak up because I’m afraid I’ll sound like an idiot.” “I shouldn’t quit my job because I may not find another one.” I’m not recommending that you heed all caution to the wind, but I always come back to the oft-repeated but cliched question — ‘What would you do if you weren’t afraid?’. The outcome of risk can swing in a negative OR positive direction- otherwise people wouldn’t take them. But what if you cleared your cache for a second and said, screw it — I’ll swing for the fences and give this a try.

Stubbornness.. Persistence… Fearlessness…

While characteristic of our littlest beings, don’t these lessons also sound a fair amount like some of the testosterone-fueled alpha male adults in our lives? But it’s also worth acknowledging that it is ironically behavior that typically encounters more resistance when seen in women.

Is there something uniquely effective about the alpha male’s ability to communicate that they have been better positioned to excel in the workplace? Or is their behavior so linked to the basics of human behavior that it is the common denominator to which others are best suited to respond?

We often jokingly say that men need to ‘grow up’. But maybe they’ve found that there’s something uniquely productive about their stubborn resistance to do so.

…Nonetheless, this will not preclude the well-known and accepted fact that women are always right. ;-)