Ask Me Anything: ‘Career or Transition?’
I am a trans woman presently closeted as-male. I have just completed a higher degree at uni and need to launch my career. I am also at a point where I really need to start my transition.
Should I transition first and wait to begin my career, or deal with career and try to transition later?
It’s really not a case of ‘either-or’, luv; it can absolutely be ‘both’.
First, considering your financial circumstances, you really need that job a.s.a.p. Don’t wait.
Second, you clearly need to live as yourself a.s.a.p. Don’t wait. Pursuing your career need in no way affect your transition plans.
I know plenty of women who have transitioned in-place professionally and have been surprised at the acceptance, esp. in academic circles. Several women of my acquaintance transitioned in teaching positions — from primary school all the way up to uni — and were well-accepted (I only know one who wasn’t reasonably well-accepted, and that was in the American South). Even if you choose not to transition in-place socially, switching to a different job later with a new marker is hardly worse than delaying your career. And in the meantime you have the benefit of the experience and financial improvements.
A hard truth is that, even in accepting environments, it is very difficult to gain new employment as a trans woman who is not easily read as female. This would most likely mean waiting at least a year before you would be able to comfortably go job hunting. Furthermore, it is simply more difficult to secure a good position as a woman, trans or cis (you will be astonished at how extensive and pervasive this is, even today, and even in ‘progressive’ establishments). In the meantime you would be poor.
There is no reason you should not start a position in boy-mode and also start medical transition. Indeed, you should. The effects of hormone therapy (HRT) are gradual, and nearly all of us pass through a period of ‘part-time’ living — boy-mode at work, girl-mode in ‘real life’. Transition is challenging, psychically and financially, and there is no reason not to hold on to what privilege you can for as long as you can.
And there is even no reason one cannot proceed fully through transition without ever revealing. A friend of mine did exactly this, in a very public teaching position. People’s assumptions and observations are quite funny when it comes to gradual change…
So, Em was a teacher in a private secondary school. She went through 1–1/2 years of HRT without ever saying anything to anyone. She gradually shifted her wardrobe from masculine to androgynous to feminine (but stayed with trousers). Her hair grew to nearly her waist during this time, but she wore it up. She never bound her chest, favouring loose blouses and pullovers, which nevertheless increasingly ‘showed’. She shifted her voice gradually and subtly.
The speculation didn’t even start until the second year. Only a couple of her kids ever asked anything directly, and she just avoided answering their questions. By the time she left that position, the general speculation was that she had been posing as a man. No one really remembered her original appearance or presentation. When she left they gave her flowers.
When she was ready, Em changed cities and took a new position in her new name and gender without anyone ever the wiser, at either end.
Tl;dr: Do both. Life is uncertain; never wait.
You’ve got this, girl.
❤ Allison
This is part of my Ask Me Anything series. Ask me anything in the comments…
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