14. Once you hit 29, develop the completely irrational fear that you’re too old to speak to any men younger than yourself because you think that they think you’re a desperate cougar hunting twenty-something studs because stupid twenty-something douchebags assume that all woman over the age of 27 have Tell-Tale Heart-style biological clocks driving them to frantically breed before their ancient, rotting ovaries finally collapse like an old-man’s toothless mouth.
How to Virgin, For Dummies.

Priceless. Bloody priceless.

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