Thank you Galen.
Not only do I care for him, I am in love with him, and he with me. Which would be unmitigated bliss were it not, as you point up, for the forthcoming conversation.
And there is no ‘probably’ about it: I need to give him all of me. I lived in ‘deep stealth’ in earlier relationships, out of fear, but I can no longer. I will love freely this time. I am strangely optimistic.
Plus there is the minor detail of my profession. He knows I am a writer and he has been exceedingly tolerant of my reticence to discuss my work (for nearly a year now!). I have simply said that my work is exceedingly intimate, and that there are conversations we need to have before I am comfortable opening that up to him. And he accepts this with grace. (Do you see what I mean about this guy?!) Thus my optimism in re the conversation.
As to who should disclose first — yes, absolutely the person who is oh-so-worried and also by default completely safe.
The proposition seems silly or flippant in the same way that all new assertions by the oppressed initially seem silly or flippant — I remember the adoption of ‘Ms’ and the repudiation of human=‘man’ being poo-pooed; I remember the substitution of ‘black’ for ‘negro’ being ridiculed. (And women voting? Don’t make me laugh.) Don’t get me started on ‘consent’…
How’s a girl to know, indeed? As I said in the companion article About your shitty no-trans dating policy…
…the solution is simple: Instead of expecting a trans woman to literally endanger herself with every potential bigot she dates, all you need do is state your no-trans ‘preference’ up front to every woman you date. End of discussion.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me. :-)
Again, Galen, thanks for writing.
❤ Allison
