Do You Focus Too Much On What You Don’t Like About Your Life?

I was with my friend the other day and I was listening to her complain for thirty minutes about her how her husband always says the wrong thing when they are socializing with other couples and how he makes her life so difficult. In the middle of our conversation, she got a call from her doctor telling her all of her blood tests came back normal. She was sick a few years ago and she felt so grateful to hear from the doctor that she was okay. All of a sudden she said, “Oh my goodness, why am I sitting here complaining about my husband when he took such good care of me when I was ill? What am I whining about? I feel well today, my family is happy and I am spending the day with you.”

I smiled at her and thought to myself, why do we tend to focus more on what we don’t like in our lives and forget to be grateful and appreciate everything else that we love and enjoy? Getting lost each day in everything that is not happening in our lives, or how our loved one said something hurtful or our project at work that is not going well can make us feel down, worried, and emotionally hurt. These problems or issues take over our minds and we can become oblivious to all the other positive things that are going on from the simple to the magnificent. It’s not that we shouldn’t get upset or acknowledge bad or irritating things that happen, it is just a matter of allowing our appreciation and gratitude to grant us perspective on what is important and what we do have. Finding a bigger perspective allows us to couch the hurt and the pain in a bigger place — a place that gives us strength to persevere and not let every little thing that happens ruin our day.

A great analogy is going into a kitchen and only seeing the dirty dishes in the sink. Did you ever walk into your kitchen and open the cabinets and admire how many clean dishes there are? When I heard this for the first time, I actually tried it and it made me laugh so hard! I never had entered my kitchen before and acknowledged that even with a sink filled with dirty dishes most of my kitchen is clean. But when I did, nothing else seemed so bad.

So what happens when we acknowledge all the clean dishes in our lives? We stop our hyper-focus on the things that are bothering us and we expand to see the entire vista of our lives. We stop looking just for the faults and also look for what is wonderful and glorious. This is beyond being an optimist instead of a pessimist. It is seeing life in its entirety and acknowledging everything. In fact, often there is so much to be thankful for and we see that so much is going our way. Just like my friend, who was able to see the importance of the love and support her husband gives her each day over some social interactions that made her unhappy. I know she would still prefer he did not say certain things when they socialize, but she tells me it feels less important and does not overwhelm her as much when she appreciates all the wonderful good qualities that her husband has.

And for the things that continue to bother us even with a bigger perspective, keep in mind that in every moment there is always Maybe. Life keeps moving and as the winds change direction MAYBE things will improve and work out better than you ever imagined. Just Maybe!!