How To Develop A Relationship With Your Higher Self

Here’s what’s worked for me

Developing a relationship with our higher selves can be elusive. I’ve parred it down to 3 main elements, which includes understanding that it is a right-brain activity, requires careful analysis of the “voices” in your head, and being able to discern true from untrue. The ultimate goal is attaining the intuitive gift of Clear Knowing (aka claircognizance).

The ideal time to begin establishing a connection with your higher self is not When Shit Hits The Fan or when you are suddenly seeking critical information, like during a health crisis. Albeit, these moments are when you need your higher self’s input the most.

This one time When Shit Hit The Fan for me and I was standing and crying and screaming at heavens… I imagine my higher self was looking down on me like a parent holding a frantic, inconsolable baby.

Realistically, while a traumatic event or desperate search may spark this inner journey, it is calm consistent effort that provides the payoff. Indeed, the techniques you learn along the way serve as excellent coping tools for the trials and tribulations of life itself.

Image Copyright 2018 © by Allison Kessler

Here’s my experience.


In this first segment, I give a quick left-brain vs. right brain analysis and then provide two quick and dirty methods of integrating right-brain activities into your daily routine in the “Jump Start Your Right Brain” section.

Functioning in a left-brain dominant society

I spent the first half of my life shutting down my intuition. Like most people in the Western world, I grew up learning about the importance of the left brain and left brain thinking in a left-brained way, corresponding to my dominant right hand. 2 + 2 = 4. I learned exactly how it was supposed to be calculated and liked that there was a clear correct answer. For more complex life problems (right-brain territory), I didn’t have a clue how to sort them out to find the “correct” answer or path.

I was even lucky enough to experience right-brain learning activities in those early-grade school years, but it wasn’t taught in a right-brain way. For example, classes and participation in the arts, music, dancing and drama. I had these opportunities—which filled my soul with joy, but I didn’t “value” them like I did left brain activities.

Historically, my left-handed grandpa, who started his education in Scotland in the early 19th century, was physically punished in school for writing with his “wrong” hand and he was forced to write poorly with his right hand for the rest of his life. The teachers would hit his left hand and/or smack it with a ruler if he wrote with his left hand. (This likely was initiated in Scotland and by the time he arrived in Canada, it was already ingrained. I am unsure of the timing.)

https://unsplash.com/@jessedo81

Briefly, the left brain is responsible for logical and rational thinking. It is the center for communication in words, is attuned to order, and requires facts and evidence to move forward. I am going to assign a “masculine, active” feel to the left brain.

Correspondingly, the right brain is responsible for creativity, imagination, visualization, abstract thinking, and (drum roll please) communicating with your soul. It does so through feelings, emotions, colours, symbols, random thoughts, and more. I am going to assign a “feminine, receptive” feel to the right brain.

The best possible scenario is where your left and right brain are working together creating a harmonious symphony in everything you do. You don’t need to spend time thinking about how it works because it works naturally and effortlessly behind the scenes.

In today’s male-driven and active society, it makes sense that left brain ways are more prominent. However, this is changing. According to Jim Signorelli in StoryBranding where he cites from Daniel Pink’s A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers Will Rule the Future, “…right-brain skills [like storytelling] will become increasingly more valued in the workplace [… to] become one of the most essential skills required to excel in the twenty-first century.” (p. 24–25, 2012)

Jump-Start Your Right Brain

Looking for a quick way to start using your right brain more?

It’s easy, all you need to do is start using your left hand for tasks that are normally performed by your right hand. Start with something easy. Like pouring yourself a cup of coffee. You might find your brain protesting and saying, “Noooooo!” and your right hand twitching because it’s so used to doing everything. Move onto handwashing dishes and scrubbing the dishes with your left hand. It’s going to feel awkward.

Quite frankly, I’ll never be able to write with my left hand, however, increasing your left hand’s skills is a fun and easy way to start training your brain to become more adept and not so dependant on your left brain’s way of working.

Another way to start utilizing your right brain, for those parents out there, is to change the way you read books to your kids. My left brain wants to read the easy way: from start to finish, reading aloud the words on the page. It is challenging for me to read it how my toddler wants it read, which is flipping through the book randomly (sometimes even starting on the *gulp* last page), pointing out certain things that jump off the page, describing what I see, and sometimes even telling the story through quiet contemplation or facial expressions — usually causing my toddler to burst into giggles. This second creative way of reading children’s books opens up an imaginative gateway fuels the Universe. We strengthen the natural functioning of our right brains simply by opening it up to spontaneous thinking and communication, which is shared as fun interactions with our kids.

Photo by Thao Le Hoang on Unsplash
Reading books to my toddler in right-brain fashion includes flipping through the book randomly, pointing out certain things that jump off the page, describing what I see, and sometimes even telling the story through quiet contemplation or facial expressions — usually causing my toddler to burst into giggles.

Correspondingly, this exercise leads into being able to read Tarot cards intuitively. The Tarot deck is the perfect tool to use to connect to your higher self and requires an ability to observe and interpret visuals, pictures and symbols. I’ll go into more information on the Tarot in a future post.

A picture says a thousand words.

Now I will touch on what it’s like to actually be in communication with your higher self. I’ll start by outlining a typical interaction and describing my natural resistance to my inner voice.

The good news is…

Our higher selves love us unconditionally

Our higher selves love us so much, to a degree that many human beings cannot even comprehend. All they want are for us to be happy.

Higher self: “Choose this because it will make you happy."

Me: “I’m going to choose this other thing because it will make me unhappy.”

Higher self: “Yes, of course, if that makes you happy.”

I’m not very good at taking directions. I love to ask “Why?”, question everything and play the devil’s advocate. So when my higher self gives me a suggestion, points me in the right direction, or blatantly tells me exactly what to do, I get defensive. Yeah, defensive. From my own self. Go figure.

Instead of listening to my higher self and taking a leap of faith, my younger self preferred to argue and then do the opposite. It was a matter of principle! My ego was making a stand and doing what she wanted. Kind of like, “you’re not the boss of me,” and “why should I believe you.” Not surprisingly, I experienced many disappointing, “I wish I had listened to my gut,” type of events in my life.

Free will is a double-edged sword

And so we are often off on our own with the power to make decisions that will make us happy or unhappy. And we think both voices are our own. And they are. Except one is higher — all knowing and all seeing, and one is lower, which is comprised of our ego, our inner child, past experiences, prejudices, etc.

Fine-tuning the ability to differentiate the voices and know which is which is a sign of maturation and expertise.


I am claircognizant — my superpower is clear knowing.

According to Amanda Linette Meder in this article:

“Claircognizance is the intuitive ability of clear knowing. People that have natural claircognitive abilities are logical, enjoy thinking things out and frequently get ideas that suddenly pop into their head.”

To me, this is like having a channel or telephone line connected directly with my higher self.

Let me backtrack. Remember at the start of this article where I said that I spent the first half of my life shutting down and ignoring my intuition? Unfortunately, there are consequences in living this way. Any sense of direction becomes muddled. In this state, when I asked my higher self a question, I was unable to hear or interpret any guidance, did not speak the language, and was left frustrated and blind. I started being paranoid of or second guessing my decisions, which left me moving forward in an incapacitated manner.

When making decisions in alignment with my higher self, on the other hand, I move forward confidently, smoothly and quickly. It feels right and therefore is right (for me, for you).


Truth is powerful and whole

When comparing truth to untruth, truth is stronger. As the world’s formerly most gullible person, taking people at their words and getting burned, I set on a conscious mission a few years back to get better at telling if people were being truthful.

It has been a long journey, and my discovery is hard to describe, but here goes.

Truth resonates at a higher frequency than non-truths. Now that I have developed my spiritual talents to a certain level, I can “feel” the vibrations of different things. Subsequently, it becomes easy to know when someone is being dishonest as there’s no substance to his or her words. They fall flat. They feel empty.

Here’s a good questions to ask to conciously go through the process of figuring out what’s true:

“Does that (thought, word, action) ring true?”
Photo by Quino Al

The key word is RING, which is referring to the vibration. This is a weird concept to wrap your brain around for sure. It is an unemotional judgement of the status of a thing. It “gut checks” words and situations according to your initial reaction and overall feeling. These inner feelings are vital gifts, should not be dismissed, and it is important to make note of them to call upon them when more information is received.

Emotions can quickly get in the way; therefore, the clearest information will come BEFORE you get emotional, which usually happens to me once I start processing potentially negative info. I need to step away from my emotions as much as I can and concentrate on the initial vibration, content and thoughts.

Telling truth from deceit requires practice and it’s tricky because generally people who lie aren’t going to help you out (i.e. confirm they were lying). However, it is good to get to the bottom of things from a logical standpoint because this is how you develop a relationship of trust with your higher self. You look back on experiences and think, “my intuition was correct,” and this increases the trust level. At some point, you move into innately trusting that voice and knowing it to be true.

It is no longer a case of flipping a coin as there is more and more probability that your inner voice is the one you should and will listen to above all else.


Connecting with your higher self and establishing a beneficial relationship based on trust takes practice and trial and error. It is a combination of developing your right brain skills, listening for information and thoughts, and being able to recognize truth. I’ll be expanding on this topic over the coming months. Thanks so much for reading!