An open letter to the people voting against marriage equality

Ally Crowe
Aug 22, 2017 · 4 min read

Hey my names ally and I’m a gay woman. I grew up in a strict catholic family and went to a catholic primary and high school.

Thankfully I went to a very accepting high school where I met all walks of life and diversity was celebrated.

I was 14 when I first time I realized I had feelings for a girl. I didn’t know what it was at the time but I can remember that exact moment I got butterflies and I blushed, and when I realized I had blushed, I blushed even more. This was my very first crush.

As the years went on and my feelings towards girls grew stronger, my inner turmoil did too. I didn’t want to bring shame to my family so I started self harming to make the feelings go away.

They didn’t, they just got stronger until I gave in and I kissed a girl for the first time when I was 15. It felt magical, it felt like the whole world melted away, my heart fluttered, my knees went weak, then i remembered that I was doing something wrong. That was ‘against God’ or so I was thought.

So I suppressed these feelings and drank, and drank and drank until I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

This went on for years, it was my little secret up until now, only a few people knew.

Then I realized I had no choice but to find a guy I could be with, to make all these feelings disappear. I met this lovely guy and we got on really well, I loved his family and it felt like I blinked and 5 years had passed and I was engaged.

Every time I went to plan the wedding, i couldn’t. I would either throw up, make an excuse or drink (a lot).

I love my family and I knew, that if I ever came out things would never be the same again.

I stayed on this path despite feeling miserable. I didn’t feel worthy of true love. I desperately wanted out, I just didn’t think it was possible.

That was until I met a someone and all those feelings that felt when I was 14 flooded back to me. She came into my life to highlight what needed to be changed. But could I?

So I had reached a cross roads, do I keep my family happy whilst going down this path of self destruction or do I come out and live my truth?

I decided Enough was enough and it was time to come out. I did end up loosing my family in the process. There were some hurtful words exchanged (and that’s putting it lightly).

This caused my mental health to deteriorate rapidly, I drank myself into oblivion most nights. My anxiety and depression was the worst it’s ever been, I honestly felt like my world was falling apart.

It was probably one of the darkest times in my life.

Fortunately I had a great support network of friends I call family and I now have an amazing partner, who continues to stand by me, through everything.

This was such a hard time for me. I felt so conflicted, I really felt like I was doing something wrong. My heart was breaking because of the hurt my family caused. It has been a long hard road.

Thank fully I have come out the other end and have reconnected with my family. Our relationship is healing and most importantly my relationship with myself is healing. I finally feel confident and happy with my sexuality.

I know for a fact that Jesus and God loves me exactly for who I am because I am a loving, compassionate and caring human being. I am a good Christian.

I’m one of the lucky ones, did you know that the LGBTI community have the largest suicide rates. Mental health is of a massive concern within the LGBTI community.

I’m sharing this story with you because I want to show you that I’m no different to you. I want to love and be loved. I want to walk down the street and hold my girlfriends hand without getting glared at, or be able to go out at night without feeling like I might get beaten up, just for loving who I love

We who are a part of the LGBTI community are no less human than you are.

So will you be voting for love or hate in this plebiscite?

Love,

Ally

Ps. Click here to join me in the fight against homophobia

)

Ally Crowe

Written by

NICU Nurse turned spiritual coach/writer.

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