I’m tired. My energy levels go up and down — even with sleeping well the night before, even with taking medication, even with coffee, even with napping, and even with practicing yoga, exercising and eating healthy. I am still so tired, and I look tired.
I try not to get angry when people look at me and ask if I was out late last night. No, sir, I did not even go out last night. I was sleeping by 10:30 up by 6:00. I slept well last night, but here I am still tired after 7–8 hours of sleep. Then, why are you tired? said sir. In my normal voice I say, I have depression. The man laughs in my face. I’m not laughing. I’m not angry. I’m too tired to be angry, but the frustration is still there. The frustration of how unaware others are of mental disorders. It is also frustrating that people assume I am tired because they think I stayed out all night partying. Nope. Just because I look the way I do, and I am extroverted does not mean I am a ‘party girl.’ First of all, I am not a girl: I am a woman and have not had a drink in almost three months.
So, today I am going to celebrate PRIDE. I will not be drinking, and I can guarantee my ass will be in bed before the clock strikes midnight. Tired if I do, tired if I don’t — so I might as well go do something. It is a beautiful day in Chicago, and I deserve to enjoy it and live it.