If Nothing In Your 20s Matters, Then What Am I Working For?

I’m pretty sure it’s Medium catering the reading suggestions on my news feed to what I have read previously, but I have read a million of those articles that are telling me that everything I do in my 20s doesn’t matter. In fact, someone yesterday actually was telling me a story which ended with the very same lesson.

So clearly a message is trying to be conveyed to me.

I understand that any sort of higher power needs to utilize all avenues of communication to get to me — I can be a bit oblivious at times. But I think I am finally starting to get the point.

So if it doesn’t matter what I do right now (within reason, I suppose) what should I be doing? What do I want to be doing?

I think this means I want to spend the beginning of next year abroad. I have been hesitatingly setting my sights on Europe, but with no plan and honestly, I am scared to take the risk.

But I shouldn’t be.

I want to be painting more. But again, I am scared.

I want to make more friends. But again, I am scared.

I want to learn another language. But again, I am scared.

I think besides being scared, the greatest weakness of the 20-something is being lazy.

All of the things I just mentioned before can be combatted if I just took action and stopped giving myself paralysis by analysis. And stopped scrolling through job websites.

I. Do. That. Way. Too. Much.

I want to be the person on the cover photos of those Medium posts where I’m standing on a cliff, or posing infront of some hipster mural, or working in a coffee shop with a white marble table (oh wait, I do that now). But I guess the serious question is, what am I afraid of?

Being poor?

Yeah. But at the same time, I know there are people worse off. And I think if I was less lazy I would be willing to work even low wage jobs for some money to go live. College gives us a sense of ego, that we’re too good for some jobs. In all reality, we’re not. I just took a few classes on economics and finance. Many people in the past have done without.

Being alone?

Sometimes. But also sometimes I crave freedom. I feel like a walking contradiction. Sometimes I love being surrounded by love, and other times I get annoyed at the idea of being in contact with anyone.

Not knowing? Being unsure?

I don’t think that is going to change anytime soon. We all go through life changing and wanting to know more, but we never will fufill that to a point of our own satisfaction. So, I think that means we need to just roll with it. Ask questions, be curious, but be okay with not knowing and just living with it.

Growing up can be hard, but if there was anything else I gathered from those millions of posts, my 20s is the time to be whoever I want. Because a year later, two years later, and definitly ten years later, I’ll be someone else.

So maybe going to Europe, or one of those other 99 things I’ve been wanting to do should get checked off my list now. Let’s get to work. I only have 9 more years of my 20s.

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