The Beauty In Bewilderment

“What is important is to spread confusion, not eliminate it.” 
― Salvador Dali

Have you ever experienced an emotion that caused both bewilderment and belief? Experienced what felt like a balance between doubt and faith? Ager and peace? Mixtures of nervousness and excitement tend to create certain emotions in us that we aren’t really able to explain.

Two months ago I had the privilege of picking my girlfriend up at the airport. We have been dating long distance for a little over a year now, and it had been a few months since I had last seen her. Words cannot express the excitement that rushed through my soul. I was shaking the night before I picked her up. Sleep was unheard of. Her flight was scheduled to land at 5:30 A.M., and thankfully, it didn’t delay. As I waited for her, sweat dripped down my spine, butterflies flew through my stomach, and my joy filled the atmosphere. Peace spread through my body like wildfire.

I saw her. The most beautiful woman on the planet smiled at me. It was nothing short of phenomenal. There few weeks we spent together were truly the greatest I have ever lived.

And then it arrived.

The dreaded day of departure.

I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want her to leave. It was wrecking. And it still hurts.

But the point of this blog isn’t to share my experience of pain. It is to bring out an idea that came to mind that painful night.

Isn’t it interesting/incredible/BEWILDERING how I felt both the greatest happiness and excitement possible in the exact same location where I felt a terribly agonizing and excruciating pain?

The airport was the location for two extremes. This blog is about whatever your “airport” is.

Have you ever been extremely excited about a new opportunity? A new job? A class or program you signed up for?

And soon after…

It turned out to be a disappointment? Borderline depressing? Average? Dull? Painful? Stressing? CONFUSING?

Did it ever cause you to ask a short question that seems to have the longest, most unexplainable answer?

“Why?”

Yeah, me too. You are not alone.

We often get caught up in the hype of nuance. Why is it that we feel the greatest joy and sadness all in the exact same location?

Well, to be frank, I don’t know if I have the answer to that…but here goes nothing.

I believe that these locations are the most important locations in our existence. I think that it is in these exact areas where we find out the most about ourselves. These are the areas in which both our strengths and our weaknesses are exposed. These are the areas where miracles (and heartbreak) are prevalent.

And what pleases me the most is that agony and joy, heartbreak and miracles, excitement and loneliness, as polar opposites as they all are, is that they lead straight to one thing: CREATIVITY.

Creativity is the canvas of your soul. Creativity is the breath of your essence. Creativity is what makes us HUMAN. Creativity is harnessed when we pour ourselves into whatever blank slate we choose…but it should be done in that location that was mentioned above, the grey area of chaos and order.

Nothing creates more creativity, in my opinion, that bewilderment. Nothing creates more creativity than confusion, doubt, and chaos. We have to imagine creativity as the building blocks of who we are. When we create and pour ourselves into whatever work of art we intend to be, we must use every block in us. These blocks include love, bitterness, anger, patience, anxiety…and more. Much more. Every human emotion is a block itself.

And where do we begin to stack these blocks? Where should the masterpiece be mapped out?

In that same location that was mentioned earlier. The area where everything seems either perfect, or the complete opposite. This area was created and intended for one reason: To confuse us.

Yes, to confuse us. Everyday single day of our life, society pushes conformity into our being. We are told not to question, but to conform. Doubt is discouraged at a young age.

I have found, however, that our greatest growth comes from confusion. Confusion, questions, bewilderment, and doubt lead to one of two things: 1. Answers; 2. The road to answers. When we look for what seems to be hidden, we either find it, or we find a clue. When we begin to put these answers and clues together, the final product of our subconscious masterpiece is almost ready.

And where do we find these clues? You guessed it. In the bewilderment, chaotic, crazy areas of our lives where we experience, as mentioned earlier, the greatest pain and happiness possible.

So go find this area of yours. Allow it to confuse you. Allow the confusion to fuel your creative engine. Breathe in, breathe out. Harness its power and energy…

And create.