1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back

Yet again, I have been getting a lot of slack from people about not writing anymore. Maybe they have a point though, because I can feel my mood slipping away.

Last time I wrote, my mom had just gotten me a human hair full lace wig. It was amazing at first but after a couple washes it lost its fullness and the cap stretched out. The back of the wig also would never stay down so I was constantly reapplying glue. This causes the nape of my neck to get sores and blisters from all the chemicals. The hair itself would be slick on the head and then mat up easily on the ends. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t 100% human hair (even though it was advertised that way) and instead was a human hair blend.

I quickly gave up on it and went back to my synthetic lace front wig.

I really don’t know why I strayed from it. Yes, it’s heavy and yes it gets tangled A LOT. But, it’s fun and comfortable and fits properly.

On the topic of wearing wigs, I must make a confession. Now that I am wearing them all the time, I have lost the confidence I once had to walk around with my bald head. The other day, I went to get dog food from the store and had completely forgotten that I had removed my wig until I was almost there. I sat in the car for a good 5 minutes contemplating if I should go home and get a hat or just walk into the store. I went in, hairless, but made sure not to make any eye contact with the sales associate and pretty much RAN back to the car. It’s beyond dumb that I feel this way because I walked around for months without a care in the world. Now all of the sudden people’s opinions matter again.

Health wise, I have been sick a lot lately and pretty much live off of Gravol. My doctor thinks it’s just my messed up immune system and put me on a gluten free diet.

I did meet someone new and I guess you could say we are dating (such a strange word…) Anyways, he’s pretty cool and makes me feel comfortable with myself. He hasn’t seen me without a wig on yet; that’s going to be a huge step for me. He reassures me that it won’t change things but, in the back of my head I know there is a chance that it will. And to be honest, I can’t be mad at someone for that. Everyone is entitled to like what they like. But, we will see what happens down the road.

In the meantime, I have stopped any and all hair loss treatments. I have maybe a handful of single hairs left. The alopecia is starting to spread to my eyebrows (unfortunately) and my bikini area (thankfully lol). I am currently not taking any injectables or oral or topical remedies for my alopecia. I have an appointment at the end of March with a different specialist so until then I am just going to let my body do what it wants to do.

Although through this journey I have become increasingly hard on myself, I have gained a new appreciation of others and try not to be so judgemental. I can’t help the fact that I lost all my hair the same way that some people can’t control the weight they put on. With that being said, I am also exploring other options that make me feel better about myself. I have been getting eyelash extensions lately and I am completely addicted to them.

When I have a fresh set of lashes I only have to draw on my eyebrows and I’m good to go. It makes getting ready in the morning that much quicker. I also decided to get fillers put into my upper lip.

I didn’t go all Kylie Jenner and get a duck face but I did even them out a little bit. The picture above was taken immediately after it was done. A couple of people have given me a hard time about it claiming I’m trying to change myself; but I’m not. The way I see it is that if it makes me happy and doesn’t affect others in a negative way then it shouldn’t matter.

Even though they don’t necessarily like my choice to get lip injections, I have to say I have the best support system in the world. I’ve said it before but, my family and a select few of my friends have gotten me through some dark times; I am forever grateful.

That’s all for tonight. I will try to pull myself away from work every once in a while to spend some time with my blog.

Until next time :)

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