Sticks and Stones

(Just a little bit of history before I start tonight’s blog: I am mixed ethnicity with black and white. My hair texture is curly but not coarse. Not that any of this matters of course)

September 2014 I had to deal with bullying I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It all started with a text message:

The person behind the message had used an online app to create a fake, untraceable number. Not only was this person extremely uneducated in the topic of alopecia, but they were also extremely ignorant and racist. These messages were non-stop. My friends and family all supported me and tried to get me to ignore it; and I did until they took it a step further. After days of constant messaging the person sent:

The person obviously knew the fact that I suffer from depression and anxiety so they took it upon themselves to torment me in an attempt to get a reaction. At first it was just text messages telling me to go slit my wrists. But then it turned into phone calls every morning asking why I hadn’t killed myself yet. I decided to go to the local police for help. They weren’t able to find out who was doing the harassment but they were about to zone in on their location. This helped me realize who was sending me the messages. The person was a good friend of mine, a mother of 3, someone who was obviously mentally unstable.

Everyone I talked to told me that I should have confronted her or gotten revenge but as time passed I felt sorry for them. I felt as though they were picking at my insecurities and weaknesses because of their own personal issues. I decided to be the bigger person and leave it alone.

The experience rocked me to the core. I cried everyday and felt extremely down on myself. I couldn’t understand what I had done to deserve such treatment. Looking back now I wish I hadn’t let them get me so upset. I wish I had more control of my emotions so that they couldn’t get a reaction out of me. I would like to say that it made me a stronger person (because that is what people want you to say) but it didn’t. The fact that someone was capable of causing so much emotional pain is terrifying. I had no social interaction with this person in almost 3 years previous to this incident yet they were able to cut me so deep.

If I have learned anything from what happened it’s to not trust people so easily. Like I said, I thought this person was my friend. I have learned that people can turn easily so it is better to just keep people at a distance. I have a select few friends who know about my personal life but I don’t hold a high value to relationships other than my family. It is now a huge flaw that I have, trust issues, but I’m working on it everyday.

If I could send a message to my bully I would say, “I feel sorry for you”. I will eventually get over this but they will always have to live with the fact that the tormented an innocent person. Plus, karma is a bitch! Until next time :)

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” – Wayne Dyer