You shouldn’t be a writer if you don’t like writing.

I’m turning 30 this year and I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do with my life yet. There are so many things that I want to do, that I’ve worked toward doing, but I’m still uncertain what my future really holds.

I’m currently a financial administrative assistant at a University.

I used to want to be a teacher.

Then, a librarian.

I’m currently working toward being an accountant.

But most of all, I dream of being a writer.

I’ve dedicated a lot of time in the past 7 years to studying the craft of writing. I’ve read tons of books (both fiction and craft), joined a really awesome writing community, and I’ve scoured through websites dedicated to plot and character development. I’ve put in time. I’ve outlined. I’ve sprinted and day dreamed about my stories and loved my characters. And, in all of the time I’ve spent trying to become a writer one thing has become glaringly obvious.

I don’t like the part where I actually have to do the writing.

Writing is hard. I would bet that every single person who is or dreams of being a writer knows this. First drafts are hard. It’s tedious and often too easy to get bored with a story by the time you finish the first act. A writer should write every single day but I struggle to write even just once a week.

I’m not really your average writer type. Creativity has always been a struggle for me. My brain doesn’t really work that way. I’m just not naturally artistic. I’m logical, sensible, sarcastic, and cynical. I’m hopelessly left-brained. I know that you shouldn’t be a writer if you don’t like writing. And I don’t. I shouldn’t want to be a writer.

But, I love stories and I can’t seem to stop dreaming of writing one of my own. I’m afraid that I will never make it to “The End”. My life could be an endless string of partially finished manuscripts and characters whose stories are never finished. It sounds like a nightmare. It is a nightmare and I need to find a way out of it. I need to learn to love the act of writing and push through my fear. Being a writer is terrifying, but not being one would be devastating.

So, for now at least, I’m going to keep trying. It’s the best I can do.