‘There is no Manual to Motherhood”- Tosin da-Silva
This year’s mother’s day is particularly different for us as we have chosen to celebrate a mother with an inspiring story to reflect the strength and tenacity that assuming the role of a mother presents. Oluwa Tosin da-Silva, a mom, fashion designer and the creative director of Mira Silva shares her journey to motherhood, her experiences, challenges, her faith and memorable moments on her motherhood journey
Tosin:
I was Pregnant with my daughter when I was 18 and had her when I was 19. It was a season in my life where I was going through a phase, and that (pregnancy) happened. It was not an easy period. Being pregnant as a teenager, I had people look down on me. I had people judge me for that situation, but I was also surrounded by people that happened to be very good support systems. My mom was great, my siblings were there and a few family members were constantly present at the time.
When I found out that I was pregnant I panicked because I was not ready to be a mom. At that time, I had just finished secondary school, I was with my grandma and we weren’t in the best living conditions. We had seven people sharing a tiny 2 room apartment
My mom wasn’t in the country and bringing a child into this world was far from my mind. Questions like ‘How am I going to fend for the child? How am I going to take care of the child?’ were all I could think of. So I Told a friend about it and she referred me to someone that could remove the baby. I told the baby’s father and it took us a while to raise the money. About a month. When we had it, I went to the hospital.
Prior to that time, my teen’s pastor back then was preaching the day before. In his words, ‘There’s someone here who is considering an abortion, if you try it you will die’. I was pretty stubborn and didn’t take him seriously. I went to the place the next day, but God was merciful and proved his love to me. I got there and the doctor said I can’t remove the pregnancy, as it was too late to remove a 4-months old baby. He said the only option was to wait for 6 months and have it induced.
At that moment, I knew it was God’s intervention. I have not heard of any abortion doctor, turning down the chance to abort a child. When I got home, my mom was back. I told her the next day and she cried. We prayed together and that was the day my relationship with God really started. After we prayed, we just made a list of the people that needed to be told. I had to go through the process of having to lose people that just shut me out when they heard. I was living in Surulere, and it’s the kind of place where your business is everyone’s business. When I walked on the streets, I could feel all their judging eyes on me. Well, I realized that having her erased every doubtful thought I had while I was pregnant.
Honestly, while I was pregnant, God was faithful. I had a healthy pregnancy period and gave birth to my baby at 19. Everything she needed, the Lord provided, I had people giving things she needed at every point.
It has not been an easy journey, because after I had her, I had to go back to school, as I did not do so well in my WAEC and therefore had to re-write GCE. I did not pass English in GCE, but I passed maths. I could not go to UNILAG because of the result.
My mum made me write Babcock’s exam, being a dropout of school wasn’t an option. I attended and graduated from Babcock University. While I was in school, my siblings and my mum helped in raising my daughter every time I needed to go back to school. I was always around for the holidays, especially the Babcock summer holiday, which lasted for 4 months.
Oreofe practically has 4 mums, and my brother is like a father to her. They have all been great support systems to me. Her father denied her, he said he was not the person that got me pregnant, therefore he did not want to be involved. Even though I had to raise her myself, I have forgiven the father and moved on from it.
It hasn’t been an easy road, but it has been the best decision I made. Motherhood has made me grow a lot. I have enjoyed it. I really can’t see life, without my daughter in it.
Oreofe has been a source of Joy to me, she made me a better and more mature human. You know, children have a way of making you want to do better, set better examples and be more responsible.
There is no manual to motherhood.
