I understand where this is coming from, and it’s well written. Fot me, the “guilt” could be viewed as drive. It’s my conscious telling me what I should do to get a step closer to where I say I want to be, and I love it. It’s a harsh wake up slap, sometimes, but it’s incredibly valuable. Try to view it as a reminder, looking at it positively will help tremendously. And by the way, not everyone gets this feeling, so this only says how much you want it.