Thoughts from that iconic couch

I swore off counseling after several bad experiences, but then I found myself trying it again…

What is it about counseling offices? They all look the same. All the same long hallways, the same minimal decorations, and that couch. The couch where we pay money to pour our souls out to strangers in hopes for some assistance with this thing called life. We all go for our own reasons. Some like it, some don’t. And for the longest time, I was on the side of ‘hell, no.’

I went to counseling as a child… or rather I was forced to go to counseling. We had just moved to a new state following Hurricane Katrina in 2004 so my mother thought my 10-year-old brain needed some help. After all, hurricanes and your whole city being decimated would be categorized by most as traumatic. But I was not having it. I did not think it was right that I go into a room and tell all my problems to a stranger I’d only see for an hour once a week. It was weird. Isn’t this a job for friends or family? But my 10-year-old self was overruled and I dutifully went every week. I finally go out of it but would find myself in a new counselor several years later.

This was worse… This was family counseling. I will say right now, it can do wonders for some! But it did not do wonders for a loud Italian family that is used to suppressing our feelings until they come out in loud voices. Let’s just say it didn’t last too long.

This counselor left a particularly bad taste in my mouth though, hearing about certain problems that I needed help with but not offering any actual help. Talking to her was like talking to a statue… unsympathetic and seemingly indifferent to problems I was trying to work through. Her indifference had me swearing off counseling forever.

Now, years later, after two failed counseling experiences, I found myself staring at a phone number and name scribbled on a piece of paper, having delayed that phone call for over a month. I knew I should probably call her but I kept hesitating. It was just gonna be like the two previous times, right? But I summoned ten seconds of courage and dialed, scheduling a preliminary appointment.

It was actually really nice…

She’s really sweet, is willing to talk about anything — not just my problems — and is willing to experience all the emotions with me. We’ll laugh (quite a lot), we’ll cry (tissues always readily available) and we’ll have those serious moments where she offers advice that I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear. Turns out they do teach counselors a thing or two… I just had a few bad apples to sample.

I never thought I’d go back to a counselor, some pretty horrible experiences making me avoid anyone with the title ‘therapist.’ But this new experience is slowly redeeming counseling for me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m still easing back into it but something tells me this is what it should have been like the last couple of times.

Counseling may not be for everyone, or perhaps you had a bad experience as well. If it’s something you’re considering though — maybe summoning that ten seconds of courage to try again — don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel safe. Don’t settle for someone who makes that couch uncomfortable. You are there for you so you deserve nothing less than the best. It may take a few tries, testing out a few different people, but once you find someone you’re comfortable with, I promise… it’ll be worth it.