For my bestfriend — who went too soon.

Hey Nai.

How is it… there? You’re the nicest, coolest and one of the most religious person that I knew so I know God will treat you well. I know.

You’re the only person who dared to scold me for being agnostic — you said, I could achieve that peaceful state of mind if only I prayed more, if only I believe more. Because, as you told me, God is kind. God won’t let me suffer and he won’t let me drown in my suicidal tendencies.

But still, when I still can’t believe in God, you just smiled and you keep on befriending me. You never alienate me for my choices, you never as much as judge me for them. You just wanted the best for me and I know.

So now… I would like to ask you, Nai.

Why do God let me suffer now?

You’re my bestfriend. And he took you away from me. To whom will I run to late at night when I have troubles with myself?

With whom will I have oddly satisfying duel of sarcasm when I feel low?

To whom will I go to when I want to waste money and have an online shopping spree?

They say here, God takes you away early because he love you a lot, and he want you back.

But he has lots of other friends and angels, and I only have a few, why can’t he spare you for me?

I miss you a lot Nai.

Let’s have another stupid Jalapenõ-eating fiesta the next time we meet.

I hope you’re no longer in pain now, Nai. I hope you can grin stupidly now, idiot.

I miss you, godammit. I miss you.

-Your forlorn bestfriend who was too stupid and too busy to answer your calls and hangout invitations, GAL.

P.S : sorry that I started smoking again. I will try to stop.

P.P.S : sorry that I also haven’t slept all 24 hours since I heard news of your death.