Pickles (A Jar of)

A lesson on why to appreciate the “awkwardness” of silence.

The first time we met went well (you'd think). We were just getting to know each other. Lots of questions to ask (always trying not to sound creepy), stories to tell, ideas to share. I wanted to know you and I felt that in the process, you were getting to know me. That's how every relationship starts. With the “getting-to-know" bit. The uncharted territory. The mystery that sits right across the table, listening to what you are saying. It's all new. For both of us. Until it's not.

One of us stops talking. The other smiles. Nods. Stares. Looks down. Eh, what now? I can’t possible stay in silence. Quick say something clever. [Insert something clearly NOT clever]. Way to go, Diego. Better order the check.

When did we became afraid of not talking?

Why did silence became a synonym for awkwardness? (What if I write another rhetoric question?) It seems that every time you fail to keep the conversation going, you get that feeling that you are doing something wrong. The worst of all? Thinking that it's your fault. Wait a minute, why is it my fault? There's two people here, right? Truth is, it's no ones fault because there's nothing wrong with it. THAT took me some time to understand.

The following weeks we had these weird WhatsApp conversations. It's one thing being awkward in person and another completely different being awkward while texting. You see, when you text, there's recorded evidence of it that remains written on you phone screen. Forever. Nevertheless, I kept feeling the need to get the conversation going. I just wanted to feel near you even while being far. Anything I could get from you meant a lot to me. And that's when it became clear…

Pickles! Why am I forcing you to speak to me? I know you now. We speak when we have something to say. Not to still pretend that it's awkward to remain in silence with one another. It's not. We can be together, the two of us in the same room, each minding our own business, and still manage to enjoy the company of one another. I am next to you, writing this. You are there, next to me, working on your project. We could be complete strangers. Not a single word is said. But then we stare at each other. We smile. And then everything is okay.

It's not a problem not having something meaningful to say every time…

Is not finding the right person to be with, when you do.

Forrest Gump said that life was like a box of chocolates. I guess for you and me, it's a jar of pickles.