To the Drivers of Los Angeles

Los Angeles is infamous for its maze-like network of concrete roads blanketing the city (and the county), as well as its horrifying traffic that seems to always be grinding to a halt. Traffic is, quite frankly, not the worst part of driving in LA. The drivers are the worst.

Here are 10 things that make me want to keep my hand on the horn:

1. Use your turn signals.
   Whether you’re turning left, turning right, making a damn u-turn, use your turn signals. It’s not that hard, it’s just a flick of your left hand. Above all, however, if you don’t use your turn signal when you’re changing lanes—especially if you want to cut in front of me—I’ll be sure to honk loudly. But seriously. Use your turn signals. If you do, I’ll be more than happy to slow down my car to let you by.
2. Don’t speed then brake.
   Just because there’s a short clearing in front of you, it doesn’t mean you should speed up and zoom past all the other cars around you, only to slam the emergency brake when you get close to the car in front of you. Chances are, I can’t see the car in front of you and won’t be able to anticipate if you’re actually going to fast, nor will I be able to anticipate when to stop. So if you’d rather not risk me crashing into the back of your car, don’t speed then emergency brake on the freeway. Just drive at a safe speed.
3. If you’re a slow driver, keep to the right.
   This should be a no-brainer, just like using your turn signals, but it baffles me whenever the lanes to the left are going considerably slower than the lanes on the right. If you’re a slow driver, do the world a favor and switch to the right lanes. (You’re the slow driver if you have cars passing in front of you all the time.)
4. The carpool lanes are for carpools only.
   Or other designated cars, of course. But if you’re the only person in your car and decide to speed past everyone in the carpool lane, you’re a real asshole. Especially those drivers, when getting on the freeway, use the carpool lane when the meter lights are on to zoom past everyone. They deserve heavy fines.
5. When entering a freeway, find a gap and jump into the lane.
   Don’t be that person that enters a freeway, especially during heavy traffic, that happily whizzes past everyone else in the entering lane only to freeze up at the end of the lane and force cut into the lane to the left. If you see a open gap once you get onto the freeway, just jump in that gap.
6. Lanes aren’t just suggestions.
   So drive inside the lanes. This may be more common on surface streets than on the freeways, but seriously, those funny little markings on the groups aren’t just nice suggestions or guides for you, they are guides that you need to follow. And drive in as center of your lane as possible, and stop veering so close to me in my lane.
7. Don’t waste parking space.
   Park as comfortably close to the car in front of you (during street parking) as you can—enough so you can get out later. But don’t leave a gap the size of 3/4 of a car in front of you and let that space go to waste. The other cars trying to find parking space will hate you.
8. Park in the designated parking space.
   This goes hand-in-hand with #7, and with #6. Those lines on the ground in the parking lot? You’re meant to park within two lines, not take up two freaking spaces. And unless you’re a large car that needs to take up the entirety of the space, don’t park on the line or so close to another space so that space next to you is rendered useless.
9. Don’t stop at intersections for drop-off.
   This is especially for all the parents taking their kids to school. No, you cannot stop your car at the curb at an intersection to let your kid off the car. You’re pissing off all the cars behind you. Similarly, if the curb is painted red, don’t you dare stop your car to drop your kid off. A red curb is not a damn loading/unloading zone.
10. Driving a nice car ≠ Violating any of the above.
    Just because you’re cruising in your Benz (which isn’t that big of deal, you idiot), doesn’t mean you are special or have any sort of priority on the road compared to everyone else. You have to follow all the rules, and no, I will not let you cut in front of me if you drive so stupidly.

Don’t be a bad driver and make the experience of sitting in traffic worse than it already is. We all have places to go and people to see—you’re not any better than me as a driver nor I you. So respect the road and drive properly.

Or I will honk.