What most people don’t know about love

The other night, I was drinking my usual daily coffee while having with my girlfriend a conversation about love. And man, she fucking loves me and shows it to me in so many ways you’d think she’s crazy. And I told her what I’ve told her in a variety of ways before; I CHOOSE to love you. In other words, I choose to care for you, and to make you feel special, and to truly fulfill your needs in one way or another, because you’re worth it.

Unlike a woman that is connected to her feminine energy, and for whom it’s natural and even powerful to “just feel it”, to be unconscious of it, to not really know why she loves someone so much and even when she thinks she does, not really understanding it, a man connected to his masculine energy, can’t. And biologically, “love” or oxytocin is natures way of making sure a child receives the unconditional protection and caring it needs in his or her first years of life by its parents (although the dosis is way higher in the mother). It’s when a baby receives love in a way it’s little brain can perceive it, no matter what. The “problem” is, after a couple of years, the levels of those chemicals in the parents bodies start dropping, which now makes their love and positive attention and affection for their children, conditional (at least in a way their brain can understand it). They give it to them only when they’re behaving a certain way and not when he or she is not. Which makes the little dude or little princess now look for ways to receive that which they once received, that which we’re all looking for most of the time, unconditional love, or in other words, feeling like we’re good enough. So that’s why it is important for women to be unconscious of loving and just doing it, instead of thinking about it too much. It’s natures way of protecting the species.

Back to romantic love…someone’s gotta be the most logical in the relationship to keep the equilibrium. And the woman ain’t gonna be it, and when she is, it’s not natural for her, it disconnects her from her essence and makes her feel miserable having to know the “why” of things. So men, this is our job. To consciously choose to give love and attention and affection to someone. Not so romantic. But definitely more effective to having powerful, conscious, raw, meaningful relationships. And not just fairytales.

So my girlfriend asked why do I specifically choose to love her, and here’s what I told her:

1) I want you to be the mother of my children.

2) You help me make my mission and dreams a reality.

3) Daily activities that I’d do by myself, are richer and more enjoyable with you.

In other words, you’re an investment. And she is. Psychologically, that’s how men think about everything. When he’s not upfront like this with a woman, he’s either lying to her or he just doesn’t get the subject of love very much. He’s blindly romantic. And I used to be one in my teens. And that disconnects you from your power as a guy. So take back your power my friend.

I know most women might hate this because it sounds zero romantic, but it’s real. Unlike the kind of love that most women proud themselves of being able to give and receive simply because they think that they’re worthy of it. The kind of love you see described on Instagram pictures and Facebook quotes. The kind of love even men dream of when they’re 12 or promise to women in their adulthood out of a lack of understanding. You know what kind of love I’m talking about, the kind that talks about feelings and the “special one”, and marrying and living happily ever after. Unconscious love. A love that’s been very misunderstood.

Since my last relationship with a girl who I also loved and will continue to do so, because I choose to, I’ve grown so fucking much and have become so much fucking conscious and understanding of love, feelings and relationships. I know that loving someone consciously or unconsciously means to behave in a way that makes the other person feel what they want to feel (important, special, powerful, fulfilled) in order for you to also receive that automatically wether it comes from him or her or simply from your own mind. Which is why men and women want others to love them the way they’ve never loved anyone else or to be the ones loving that other person like nobody else ever has. Both of these situations make one feel more important and impactful in the other persons life, and that makes one feel more powerful and more “enough”, which takes you back to when you were a baby and received unconditional love. You get it?

There’s always logic and emotion in everything, ying and yang, black and white, and when you, as a man or as a woman, choose to not just live in the fantasy but go deeper into the understanding of why you’ve decided or why you’re deciding to love someone, into what has it given you, into how it’s made you feel directly or indirectly more “enough”, then you can regain your true power, reconnect to your beauty, to your strength, to your fucking magic of making things happen more consciously.

Alx Zander Sánchez

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