What would do without you?

"What would I do without you?" I laughed painfully, knowing perfectly well that we were broken up and I would have to do everything without you.

So let me answer my own question.

I will wake up a little earlier every morning, to exercise, make tea and watch the sky change. 
And as I do that, I will look forward to my day, just as I did this morning. 
I will look forward to my day regardless of whether or not you are in it.
I will listen to my favourite songs, even if they remind me of you.
I will watch the movies we were supposed to watch together. 
I will take photos of the sunsets we were supposed to see together. 
I will keep writing, even if you will not read.
I will laugh at every joke, even if I can no longer enjoy them with you.
And when the pain hits too hard, I will let it take me away so I can fall to art and feel it in my own soul. 
I will become the type of woman I have admired, the type of woman I have envied; the woman I am meant to be.

I have trusted myself to heal, and as an act to prove my faith, I have cut the dead ends of my hair, leaving it as healthy as I wish to become. 
And as it grows, so will I. 
Cutting off my beloved locks was my way off cutting you off, for even though it meant losing a part of me, it left space for something healthier to grow.

But please do not mistake my new found confidence as hatred or indifference. I still love you. 
And I will always love you, even if a time comes when I will no longer be in love with you. 
But I must love myself now. 
I must love life now.
And I must take care of myself now.
Losing you meant you couldn’t take care of me anymore. 
Now I must be ready to take care of myself.
Our timing was a trick from the Universe, when neither of us were ready. 
Let me go on my path when you go on yours.
Should they ever intertwine, I will welcome you back into my arms as if home has found me. 
I only ask to grow. 
Perhaps the fact that you have encouraged this growth is a sign that we will meet again. 
But in the event that it does not happen, I will be okay. 
It is my promise to you, to me and to us.