Alyson Muldoon
Sep 6, 2018 · 2 min read

I’m confused…I agree with some of this and am mystified by some of it. Just to get it out there, I am a happily married cis het woman, which may or may not make a difference.

I completely agree that you can have good sex without an orgasm — there’s times when just that closeness is enough to make you (me) really happy.

I also agree that there’s more to sex than the penis-in-vagina act — it starts with the mind and it can include quite a bit of the body of both partners.

And I agree that women have to take some responsibility for having an orgasm. If your partner consistently is leaving you hanging and you’re not happy about it, it’s up to you to suggest how they can get you off. And if they leave you hanging but you’re ok with that, it’s up to you to let them know that it’s ok that way too.

Now for the part that confuses me. If I’m having sex with a man and I have an orgasm, unless I’m masturbating while having sex with him, he made me come. Who else would? If I was having sex with a woman or someone who identifies in another and I had an orgasm, she or [insert preferred pronoun] would have made me come. Even if I was having sex with two other people, they would have made me come.

And how many definitions of orgasm are there? I mean, it is what it is. Like I said, you can have good sex without one, and some are better than others, but I don’t see how redefining the word helps anyone.

Is it just me?