This is an imporant item of life that has come up multiple times for me in the past few weeks, whence it never had before. (I know I just said whence, but I’m going to go with it…)
I’ve always known what it meant, and I’ve always been an extremely independent yet extremely social person, but only lately has the true meaning of this value come into play. And it came into play through experiences of me learning that I have it, and am very capable of it, and sometimes prefer it.
And self reliance doesn’t mean that you don’t also depend on others for things, but it means that you are capable of taking care of yourself and knowing your needs and fulfilling those needs, while also being apart of a group environment. And I’ve learned that selfishness and self reliance are not one in the same. Quite the opposite. If you are taking care of yourself, and being self reliant, you cannot be upset if other people take offense and may refer to the things you are doing as “selfish”. It’s okay to recognize your needs and take care of them. It’s when you only recognize your needs, that then you become selfish.
Not everyone is there yet, so you still need to be there for other people (and hopefully they will be open enough to the help if they need it).
But being in tune with what you want and not being afraid to ask for it/accomplish it/take it is SUPER important. And communicating about those needs and what you are doing if it might be not as apparent to others is increasingly neccessary in this world where assumptions come about too easily to cause miscommunication.
When you are self reliant and take care of your needs and your growth you can better help everyone around you. And if you are surrounding yourself with the right people, they will 100% understand what you are doing.
Like today for example, I wasn’t feeling well due to a migrane that was growing progressively worse throughout the day, and I finally arrived at my friend’s birthday party, who I hadn’t seen in a while.
After about an hour and a half I realized I couldn’t stay any longer and needed to go take care of myself in a quiet space.
I felt terrible as I had hardly talked to my friend, but when I went to go hug her and see when she was free next to hang out and let her know that I wasn’t feeling well because I had a migraine and might leave soon, before I even said I was leaving, she stood up and hugged me as soon as I said I wasn’t feeling well and said thank you so much for coming and that she loved me.
And that’s how you know a true friend — they understand when you need to take time to be self reliant and handle your needs.
I was so happy that this was her immediate reactions and any guilt I felt for leaving early was gone — that’s all fear and guilt is after all- an assumption you are making about something that hasn’t even happened yet. That stipulation is built up in your mind by only yourself.
I challenge anyone reading this to try each day this week to be self reliant and do something for yourself/to take care of yourself in a way you normally may ignore, without fear of what might happen that could be negative.
Have too much work to do at your desk, enough that you are stuck there for lunch? Well, you’re choosing to be stuck there. Yes, the work might be piling up but it will still be there in 20 mintes also. Just get up and go out for 20 minutes and walk around and be self reliant. Have a deadline where you really can’t leave your desk? Okay then once you are done make it a point to go walk around.
If you don’t take that time for yourself, nobody else will.
I ate lunch at my desk for 2 years and I will never, ever do that again. Not that I may never be at a desk again, but I will never take the time out to not fulfil a need like that.
Once you get back, I bet you will feel 100% refreshed if you can manage to actually let the stress of whatever the work was go during your walk. Seriously try and do this. It seems so simple but I bet most people reading this won’t have taken a walk from work for themselves in a very long time.
Allow yourself to reset. You’re only human.