Dear Boy Who Played with My Heart,
Honestly, I just don’t know where to start. I’ve gone over in my head so many times the moment I’ll finally be able to confront you about playing with me as if I were a rag doll. Now that the moment for me to express myself has come, I’m at a loss for words.
I have so many questions to ask you, but I think the most imminent is why? Why did you ruin our friendship and tell me you had feelings for me? Why did you avoid me after I finally reciprocated those feelings? Why did you lie to me after we came back from winter break and tell me you were just scared of commitment, but that you’re ready to now? Why did you lead me on to believe that was true, not once, not twice, but three times? Why was I so inclined to believe you all three times? Is it because I truly believe that three time’s a charm, or is it because I wanted to believe in the idea of us so much more than the idea of finally letting you go?
Whatever the case may be, it hurts to know that you treated my feelings as no more than a cat and mouse game. It hurts to know that if I were to text you or call you that you would leave me on read or decline the call with no hesitations, but if I would answer you immediately. It hurts to know that if you told me that you wanted to give us another shot, I’d jump up to the opportunity immediately. I’d bend over backwards to make you see me, but you wouldn’t even step over puddles to acknowledge I exist.
Last night, though, you hit an all-time low; I wish I could lie and say it doesn’t hurt as badly as it does. You saw me dancing with my friend, and eyed me as you walked up to her and complimented her. I knew it was on purpose, I knew it wasn’t something you truly meant, but the fact that you strive to belittle me and ruin my nights…that’s more than I can handle.
I want to get over you, I’m trying so hard here to get over you, but its so difficult. Its so hard to see you walk into math class, make eye contact with me, and look away as if I were just a stranger. Its so hard when all I want is to go and eat at the caf and you walk in with your roommates and all eye me as if you see a familiar face, but can’t put a name to it. Its so hard to get over you when I replay all of our special moments and conversations in my head over, and over again. Its so hard when I cant even enjoy my nights out because when I look around a crowded room, your face is still the only one I see. Its even harder when I notice that pretty blonde you’re dancing with then to see you half an hour later leaving with her.
What makes it even more difficult is knowing that you and I will never be anything more than strangers now and that’s becoming an increasingly tough pill to swallow.
The Girl You’ll Never Choose