From day 1, we went out for a beer, you held my hand on our way home. You pulled up my chin, and gave me a gentle goodbye kiss. And since then,
All the situations. All the wrong pathways that we took. All the superego that I set aside. All those things that people said about you that I ignored. I was started to think,
But I’ll take that. I trusted you, and I thought you were different. I started to feel this way —
Especially to think about you, with her. The previous girl. The girl whom your parents loved.
Well, things get tough. The little fights, the guts appeared. You started to show me your real ass. Then I really started to think, if —
You asked me about this picture above, and I still wasn’t sure what to answer. But now I know. I know I was. I was a fool to let you break down my walls.
Time goes on, things happened. Rough time, tough time. You said you hate to see me cry, and you said you hate to made me cry. You said you don’t want to make me cry.
But you did.
You also said I was different. You said you’re grateful to have me chose you over any other guys. You said you won’t give up on me. You said that things are not gonna work out anymore with her.
But again, you did. You did the exact opposite things that you said to me.
Pretty hurt to see you getting back with her. You pick her up at her house. You let her sit next to you in the car. You held her hand while you’re driving. You let her lay her head to you shoulder again, and you kissed her head. Just the exact same way that you did to me. Well I think —
Turns out, not really. Been in pain wasn’t felt so good. I found myself couldn’t breathe while I cried right there.
Though, you were a hypocrite, ironic jerk,
and I was a stupid bitch.
I’m still trying to get my ass up after I cried for hours, til 2 am. And also when I woke up in the morning. It wasn’t easy.
I wanna stay alive, not feeling numb after what happened. I wanna move on, and not letting you affect me and my life anymore. But to kill my mind? I don’t even know how. Only my heart which is already dead.
My current situation?
Pretty much accurate if it means to feel the depth of the whole pool on your chest.
Could death helps us not to feel the pain?
Because if it could, I would love to try. Just for tonight — or few nights, I guess.
I really hate you and what you did. All the things you said, all the bullshits that I never saw it was coming. I never thought it could be so relatable.
You see, this was me. This picture below WAS ME, before I trusted you. Before I open my door for you. Before I let you break down my walls. Before I was being stupid. And I was fine. I was happy. And I could be the happiest girl who experienced brokenhearts but won’t again because she won’t be fooled anymore.
You broke me? I don’t know. Did I broke myself? Probably. You’ve once said that karma’s only there when we’re remiss. Maybe I was remiss back then, am I?
We are revolutionary. We were brokenhearted and we took lessons. The lessons that I take? This might be it. Well yeah, just to prevent anything like this to happen again. Because in my experience, that wasn’t fun. That was pretty rough, and wasn’t fun.
I don’t love.