My Ochlophobia story

I do not like crowds. I never have. This stems out of the gripping fear of getting trampled, something i witnessed when I was about 6. My memories of the entire situation is not so clear but my still blood runs cold when i think of it.

I was in a public primary school at the time and for some reason, they delayed opening the gate until a while after the closing time. Bad idea. Small area, hundreds of children who started clawing at the gates trying to get out and then a child fell. No one could help her, it wasn't your choice whether you stepped on her or not. Everyone was being shoved out of the small portion of the gate that was opened. All i remember is everyone screaming in fear and not being able to breathe and then right under my feet, i felt something soft and managed to look down for a split second before being shoved forward. I saw a child trying to claw her way up from the ground where she lay but people kept stepping on her. That’s all I remember of it. I have no idea if she survived and while i have no memory of telling my mum what happened (i was always secretive), I got transferred to a private school not long after.

Decades later and my phobia has evolved over time to include people generally. I do not like strangers. It takes me a while to to get familiar with people. Liking company is a struggle i deal with everyday and adulthood hasn't made it any better

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