Ashes

Ashes and tears,

People in white,

Fire on the body of the one,

Which was more like my own body.

An unbelievable loop repeating itself,

Stopping me to understand,

Whether it’s a reality or a nightmare,

A wish I made for every second,

Begging to just make it unreal somehow,

Like I can wake up and see him in front of me,

I will cry and hug him tight,

Feeling the warmth of the baby birds feel in her nest,

Telling him how horrible is the thought of losing him,

Telling him how precious is his presence in my life,

Promising him everything, anything!

For just to have him here again, staying with me forever.

Remembering the day,

When I woke up, all in tears,

Shocked in pain, rushing into his room,

Confirming that is not true,

Confirming that it was just a dream.

Finally, the moment when I see him in front of me,

I couldn’t stop myself to burst into tears,

I sat on the stairs all numb and unable with fear,

Unwilling to even move a muscle,

Like my soul has left me alone,

The course of that day,

When he won’t be around,

When he won’t be correcting me anymore,

Won’t be there for explaining me the philosophy of everything.

Why the things are the way they are,

Why you should or shouldn’t,

It’s not, that he only showed me how to walk.

But also he showed me everything I talk,

He painted the illusion of every path in front of me,

Mumbling the guidelines in my mind,

Even before I started walking on them,

I have just been walking so far,

On those painted paths, calling them my ways,

On those blurry hints, he sets,

Now I am all left alone, as he is not here anymore,

There is nothing more, no illusions and no lessons,

He left me on the spot, where when I look back,

I see a guiding hand and a smiling baby,

In front, I see a scary harsh lane and my feet still not ready to take the fire.