Honoring Loved Ones Lost in the Time of COVID-19
Message From a Grieving Mother
Two years ago, I lost my young daughter Edie after a bravely fought battle with cancer. As painful as it was, I am so grateful to have had the chance to hold her, to tell her I will always love her, to make her promises, and to say goodbye. While it was the hardest thing I have ever done, those rituals provided me the opportunity to cherish her during her last days on earth and helped to bring closure which have been integral in my survival after her death.
I am still on my grieving journey, which has included entering a graduate social work program and becoming a patient advocate for families with children at the end of their lives.
Over the past month, it has broken my heart to hear stories of COVID-19 patients and others who are dying alone, and families forced to grieve without touching their loved ones, without funerals, and without any of the traditional ceremonies to memorialize and pay tribute to lives lived. Like so many people in the world, I want to help where I can, so I have created a list of mourning practices that I hope will bring comfort to those experiencing the loss of a loved one during this time.
1. Gather virtually
Use technology to connect and share stories, memories, photos, prayers and letters to the deceased. Consider a video conference and send out a private invitation to friends and family in lieu of a traditional end of life celebration. Ask guests to recite a poem or prayer, write something they wish to share, or share a favorite memory. Use this gathering to celebrate the life of your loved one. Similar gatherings are helpful during more difficult times for grief such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.
2. Write letters to the deceased.
Honor a deceased loved one by writing letters or cards including the memories you share with them. For those honoring the deceased, send letters/cards to the family of the deceased. Families receiving these letters should collect and store them reading them periodically to remember and celebrate. A wonderful gift idea is providing a beautiful box or personalized container to send to the family which will become a home to these treasured letters.
3. Create a video/photo montage.
Have a friend or family member collect photos and videos from your personal collection and from others close with your deceased love one. Compile them in a video montage or save them to USB drive to view and remember the life of your loved one. Consider hosting a memorial viewing of the video montage by sharing your screen in a zoom video conference.
4. Plant a memorial.
Plant a tree or flowers that may have a special meaning for the family or the deceased like a birth flower, favorite plant or a flower in a favorite color. Another option is to order seeds online of a meaningful flower and ship them to family and friends to plant and scatter. When they bloom they will be a reminder of their lost loved one and show the impact they had on those around them. Photos can be sent and shared when they bloom.
5. Artwork.
Either create or have a piece of art created to memorialize your lost loved one. Paint or sketch a portrait, create a piece of artwork showcasing the favorite things of the person who died or order a handmade creation personalized and sent to the family from Etsy.
One day, not long from now we’ll be able to gather and embrace once more, until then may the days be gentle and kind filled with the love we share for one another.
Amanda Monteiro is an advocate for pediatric cancer research and end of life care, graduate student studying social work with a focus in palliative care, ambassador for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Children’s Initiative, mother of Eleanor on earth and Edie in heaven.
