Buried Next to My Childhood Dog

a. Sánchez
Nov 3 · 3 min read

Prompt
“How does our attitude towards data change if we see it as the result of a relationship rather than an end in itself?” Imagine you were to start collecting data about yourself over the next ten years (2020–2030) to store in a time capsule. What data would you collect and why?”

Response
If we assume that this time capsule would not be found, there are a couple of things I would want in there.

I would want not necessarily data points stored but rather observations and reflections of information over time. I wish I could collect comments others make about me, report cards, emails, text messages, information from doctor check-ups, phone calls I’ve made, notes about my mental health progression. I guess I’m more interested in seeing myself as a human rather than a data point? I’ve seen myself as a data point for a really long time. Always comparing myself to others via data collected. It never makes me feel good.

By collecting non-number information, it makes it harder to compare me to other humans, which I think is pretty cool. When my information is quantified in little bits of information, it feels like the purpose is to compare myself to others that are nothing like me. I wouldn’t necessarily care for that information.

Rather than collecting data on how many times or how often I said ‘I love you’ to my partner, I’d rather see letters, texts, pictures of our time together and visual or written memories of things we did that led me to say ‘I love you’ in different ways so many times.

I used to really enjoy collecting data about myself. I was a competitive runner for quite some time. I collected information like my weight, my resting, and active heart rate, my blood pressure constantly. I had 4 blood tests done every year to make sure I was still healthy. I wrote down the pace, my heart rate, the mileage, the elevation of every run I did. I even kept track of the weather, how many hours I slept the night before and whether or not I was on my period. I loved it. And I love going back and looking at this information. But this obsession became unhealthy. Rather than seeing myself change over time, I was focusing on the day-to-day. Why was I so much slower today than I was on Wednesday? Why am I progressing so slowly this season? I still know my mile and 2 mile PR’s. They haunt me. I know I’ll never get to be that good in a really really long time. It forces me to stay away from every trying which I really hate. I wish I wrote down how I felt on good days, and how I felt on bad days. This way I could focus more on achieving a feeling, rather than a number.

So, I guess you could say me not wanting to collect data of myself is a sign of healing that I’ve been grappling with. It’s been difficult to not constantly compare myself to others and focus more on my own weird and unique self. I hope if this time capsule exists, it’d be more of a celebration of myself rather than a point of comparison.

    a. Sánchez

    Written by

    MDes @ CMU • They/Them • The scum between your toes • Not here to make more ivory tower-esque posts