Anorexia Confessional

You broke me
over and over
and over. 15 years, 
I’ve been obsessively 
counting minutes 
spent exercising 
and not once 
did I enjoy having 
to add up all those 
seconds, hours, 
days. I hate every 
inch of you, so goes 
my favorite song. 
It’s just the best 
send off to my eating 
disorder and that’s 
why I’m bringing 
it up. I spent fifteen 
years on nothing 
but dieting and I’m 
a full grown woman 
and I eat like a child.
I’m not proud of the 
fact that I’m a size zero
either. I’m ashamed of 
it did the first time 
in my life. I’m ashamed
because I eat like 
a child, because I want
to be vegan, because 
I can’t do any of that
without confessing it
to the world: I have an
eating disorder.

— published in The New Yorker
 — republished in Poetry

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