A Look Into My First Trimester

I remember the day I found out with clarity. I had gone to bed the night before telling myself, “Ok, if I am still late when I wake up tomorrow, I am taking the test.” I went to sleep, rehearsing the Clearblue test directions in my head, and wondered if the period cramps I thought I wasn’t having were an illusion.

The soft whimper of my phone’s alarm woke me up, and a bolt of inspiration to get out of bed cascaded through me. Today I would take the test. I had waited a few days past being late (agonizing as they were) and knew today I would get a reliable test result.

Peter had left for work so it was just me and the test in the bathroom. I meticulously followed its directions, getting out of that bathroom as soon as possible because there is nothing worse than staring at that test watching it make it’s final call. So I went and made coffee and waited and waited — then decided, probably after 10 minutes: “3 minutes must have passed by now.”

I did a little prep talk to myself about how it wouldn’t be a big deal if I wasn’t pregnant because I was still young and had time, etc, etc. But deep down I knew wanted it to say “Yes! You’ve got a baby in you!” but was trying to calm my nerves with assurances of “It will be okay if you’re not — because you’re probably not…and that’s fine because you can always try again…”

Slowly opening the bathroom door I peered across the way to the counter top where the blue and white test lay. There would be no room for confusion here because I got the test that says “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant.” Walking…slowly…what…does…it…say….PREGNANT?!…NO….NO….NO WAY.

I just kept saying “NO” which I’m sure was a sight to behold. But man, what a rush of awe, excitement & a little bit of terror. I couldn’t believe my body was working on making a baby at that moment. Sometimes I still can’t believe it — but whew can I feel it ;)

Holding the news in until Peter got home that night was basically unbearable. I knew I had to tell him in person, and I didn’t have time to concoct a cute plan because of how busy we were that night and over the next few days. So I resolved to pull him aside real quick after he got home (while my sister was in the bathroom for a minute) and whipped that positive test out and shocked him just as much as I shocked myself earlier that day. He was SO excited. We both were and are. Oh what a few months it has been!

My First Trimester Woes…..

When I found I was pregnant I pretty much was on a solid high for a few weeks. I was researching everything I could, booked my first doctor’s appointment, and tried containing my excitement around most everyone (aside from my dad and in-laws who we told very early on).

I remember thinking to myself, “Maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones who don’t experience morning sickness.” And I had no reason to believe otherwise because the first few weeks were so easy. And then week 7 hit.

Oh, week 7. You came crashing in and made my stomach feel things it’s never felt before. No, I would not be one of the lucky ones who didn’t experience morning sickness. It came waltzing in week 7 and has stuck around till current day, in week 14.

Overall, I’m grateful all of my time spent vomitting means I’ve got a solid pregnancy. I’ve had to say goodbye to a dear friend: coffee (may you rest in peace in my cupboard until I can consume you again). I’ve thrown up more in the last 7 weeks than I probably have over the last 26 years and taken more naps than I’m sure I did as a toddler.

Yet all of my tests have come back perfect, I’m healthy and baby has a strong heartbeat.

But I don’t think I had any idea of what I was in for back in July when we decided to “give it a go.” Looking back, it’s all been a little bit comical. Sure, far from from it in the moment of spewing my applesauce down the drain, but I’m better now. And I’m so glad.

Things got really bad around week 9 that I was even throwing up water. Water. So I took that as a sign to call the doctor because I knew I would start getting dehydrated, if I wasn’t already. And though I’m not the biggest fan of using drugs to heal my body, I welcomed what they perscribed me and it has made the last few weeks completely bearable. (but still, no coffee).

I hope to be off of the medication soon, but for now I am slowly trying to wean myself off of it. And I’m eating Chipolte again, so I guess we can call this a win.

All in all, we are so thrilled this little pumpkin is growing strong and steady inside of me. I feel I have already been getting a taste of the sacrifices motherhood requires of oneself, and I welcome the more as they come.

One thing Jesus has been speaking to me about over this time are these lies I have believed about motherhood, or beliefs about it shaped by the haggard mother image our culture puts on women. He unravels these things for me and is bringing me into freedom.

“Motherhood will be good for my soul.” — that is what he told me last night. I wrote it heartily down in my journal so I wouldn’t forget. See, I have been thinking how hard it will be on my soul. How soul-sucking it might be. Draining. Taking all of me and leaving nothing left. But no, it will be good for my soul. I’m deciding that now. Embracing that now.

I know motherhood will require things of me I cannot fathom until I am knee deep in it. Much like things marriage has required of me, though I didn’t understand till I began walking through it.

So that is where I am at; a lot less sick, getting some energy back and starting to believe “Motherhood will be good for my soul.”

hello second trimester.

x o .

P.S — does anyone have guesses on the gender? I’d love to hear! We are definitely finding out at our 20 week appointment. We we’re both in agreement on that :)